A Principal’s Tough Conversation with His Coolest Student
"You fielded eighteen promposals before February. That's a county record."
Tag: School
That’s Right, I Made My Super Cool Best Friend Laugh and Now Everyone at School Likes Me
Chad laughed even harder and called me a freak. It feels good to have a friend (jokingly!) put you in your place.
The Orb in the Woods Kids
The orb seemed pretty observant, too, so no doubt everyone’s unique powers would shed new light on their natural strengths and underlying weaknesses.
Who Watches Your Instagram Stories at Night
Your mom; Dude you haven't seen since elementary school---didn’t he go to jail?; Memorial account for your deceased friend.
How the Hell Did the Hot Guy Lose?
The people of Texas have disappointed millions of people who wanted their fates sealed by a hot guy for once.
What Your “I Voted” Sticker Placement Says About You
Stuck to your cubicle wall with a push-pin that matches the color of “your party”: You work in middle-management but your team likes you, you think.
I’m Furious About What’s Happening in Our Country But I Have a Doctor’s Appointment On November 6th and Can’t Make it to the Polls
Until I can vote over Instagram, voting's just not going to fit into my schedule of work, doctor's appointments, and scrolling through Instagram.
If You Awful Bros Vote Democratic You Can Call Me “F*ggot” Once, No Strings Attached
There's no catch, except that I'm going to be making sure you check each and every one of those little "D" boxes on your ballot, you hetero freaks.
Natural Deodorant Didn’t Stop Me From Sweating, But It Did Stop Me From Raising My Kids
Parents wouldn’t allow their kids over. They told me it was because their kids were allergic to cats, which I would have understood if we had a cat.
Four Halloween Costumes That Let People Know You’re Totally Chill About Your More-Successful Sister Getting Into Yale
Dress up as a doctor, A BRAIN SURGEON even. Unlike Beth, you didn't need to take out hundreds of thousands of dollars in student loans to become one.
Has Your Mother Been Seduced Into Joining a Polygamist Cult?
Halfway down the stairs, the humming stops, but you hear a choir of singing voices instead. “Mom?”
Gift Ideas to Help Republican Grandparents Bribe Their Grandkids into Not Hating Them for Dooming Humanity
A skateboard is cool. No need for safety gear, either. You obviously don’t give a shit what happens to your grandkids, so a helmet would be confusing.