Here is the Ancient Ritual You Must Follow If You Wish to Quit the Football Team
A rapidly disintegrating map will be given to you as you step out of the self-reflection pod. It will lead you to the Sewer of Quitters.
Tag: School
Ennui Tycoon: Turn Your Melancholy Into Gaming Currency
Make sure the infrastructure of your city is unintuitive and inadequate. Traffic will increase the ennui of your citizens.
Mrs. Malone’s 4th Grade Math Quiz
Tamber excavates 1 skeleton. He recognizes its bone structure. 81-inch. Could it be? D.B. Cooper? How many inches taller than Tamber is D.B. Cooper?
Ho Ho Ho, I’ve Updated Your Privacy Policy
But if Mr Zuckerberg thinks that now I will finally bring him that Tickle Me Elmo, he is wrong. He was a bad boy then and he's an even badder boy now.
Things We Learn About Han Solo in “Solo: A Star Wars Story”
Once, he drove the Millennium Falcon to McDonald’s, Google Maps said “Bon appetit!” and Han thought it was making fun of him so now he only uses Waze.
The Truth About Landing a Podcast Deal in Prison
The producers were convinced that my boyfriend Todd was the actual killer. Have you seen Todd? My little baby cousin is stronger than him.
I’m the King-Shit of Comedy and I’m Going to Absolutely Ruin This Substitute Teacher
Listen up, shitsticks: all you open-mic wannabes better take notes from the best comedian Channelside Elementary School has to offer.
An Open Letter to Greedy Los Angeles Homeowners
We are keen to invest three decades of savings into your property and excited to put in our offer after looking for the perfect teardown for so long.
We’re Recruiting for Our Libertarian Utopia!
We had a few incidents in which some misused their legally acquired, weaponized smallpox strains, but that's a small price to pay for freedom.
I Can’t Have Communication Issues, I Majored in Communications
I have communication issues? That's funny because in the eyes of the University of Illinois School of Communications, I am a master of communication.
Truthful Alumni Magazine Class Notes
Juan Baerga, ‘10, has only ever used what he learned from his $160,000 engineering degree in determining which piece to remove in Jenga.
All These Jokes About Appearance Were Just Uncalled For, Michelle Wolf
Many think this is about how teachers are underpaid and have to buy their own school supplies. But did you know that women call make-up "supplies?"