Do Not Buy a Star for Your Wife on Mother’s Day
If you do purchase a star on Star Registry for your wife, don’t tell her you named it Cougar15 because she's a cougar and you’ve been married for 15 years.
Tag: Science
Five Signs That Your Barber is Collecting Your Hair So He Can Secretly Clone You
And when you asked what this mysterious doppelgänger’s name was, your barber quickly said, “That? That’s, uh, Comb McScissors.”
A Brief History of the Metric System
One pound is equal to 7000 grains of barley. Yep, barley. Grains of wheat is a different calculation. And why 7000? Hey, it’s your system, don’t look at me.
I Can’t Have Communication Issues, I Majored in Communications
I have communication issues? That's funny because in the eyes of the University of Illinois School of Communications, I am a master of communication.
A Sexy Sci-Fi Show For Teens Which You Will Watch Anyway
Multicolored flames shoot from the crumbling gold tower, as he drips glazz on his eyeball and lights it on fire (this is how you do glazz).
An Open Letter to Arbor Day
I'm warning you: they won't stop until Arbor Day becomes Firewood Day.
Strategies to Cure Your Partner’s Insomnia
Some can't sleep well if their partner can’t decide whether to be the big spoon, or the little spoon, or maybe to just not touch you at all.
The Trolley Problem, Interpreted by Notable Film Directors
Peter Jackson: The trolley problem is needlessly split into three separate trolley problems.
Field Notes from the Archaeological Dig of Your Boyfriend Jake’s Instagram
I speculate that these images date back to the early 2010s, based on the woman’s dramatic side bangs and orange tribal body painting.
To the Oscar Statue That Made Me Deeply Uncomfortable During Guillermo Del Toro’s Acceptance Speech
Dear Statue, I believe unequivocally that you and I now share some cosmic bond after we locked eyes during Del Toro's acceptance speech.
I’ve Talked to the Aliens and They Say We’re Fucked
Contrary to popular opinion, the aliens said even doomsday preppers won't make it that far in an apocalypse. They were explicit on this.
Seasonal Wedding Themes That Scream “I AM UNIQUE!”
Spring weddings are the worst. So do as I did, and have another Winter theme: "Snuggled Up By the Fireplace While People Outside Freeze to Death."