Dear Elon Musk, When Will AI Let Me Force Choke My Disobedient Children?
When will your muscle movement bracelets become widespread? And more importantly, will I be able to fit my children with them before I am driven to insanity?
Tag: Science
Lost Your Mojo? Join the “Regain Your Mojo at the HoJo” Hotel Seminar
Stage hypnotists are using everything from scare tactics to the element of surprise to downright threats to unlock the door to the Mojo begging to be let back in.
19 Ways to Get Rid of Aliens on Earth
Let's say we do make contact with aliens and they accept our invitation to Earth. Unfortunately, 206 arrive at once and they're super annoying. How do we get rid of them?
Hold On, I Just Want to Make Sure Our Dirty Talk is Statistically Accurate
Sorry, I hate to do this, but I can't confidently call you "the best" unless I have a control group of other guys who are strictly worse at doing that exact specific thing you're doing right now.
If I’m Going to Donate My Body to Your Medical School, Please Don’t Let Anyone Laugh at My Dead Penis
I've always wanted to donate my body to something greater than myself. But I need assurance that my penis will not be the subject of any sort of entertainment or fun.
The Pros and Cons of Allowing Horses to Become Doctors
Should horses be allowed to practice medicine? Here is a quick cost-benefit analysis.
To-Do List for New College Graduates to Fix the World
While you have been in college, the adult community has been busy ruining the world. This has left us no time for several important tasks.
21 Most Annoying Things About Alien Takeover of Earth
Just when the Facebook notifications about all your friends laying eggs finally slow to a trickle, here come the fucking baby pics of gelatinous larvae.
Teaching My First Class at Caveman High
I didn't choose to be transported to a pre-historic age, but I did choose to become the teacher of the cavemen and women once I got there. No Neanderthal left behind!
The Dewey Decimal System: Updated for 2017
Instagram Captions (formerly known as "Poetry"). More often than not just prose with unconventional line breaks.
There is No Santa: A Retraction to “Yes, Virginia, There is a Santa Claus”
Indeed there is no Santa Claus, and we can definitively say it would be impossible for one man to visit all the children in the world in one night.
How to Apologize to Your Dentist for Not Flossing
Looks like the Associated Press is reporting fake "you don't have to floss" news, and you'll have to admit: your dentist has always been right.