Mr. Peanut Addresses His 23andMe Results
For years you’ve trusted me as the man/peanut hybrid from uncertain origins who loved one thing and one thing alone: selling Planter’s Peanuts.
For years you’ve trusted me as the man/peanut hybrid from uncertain origins who loved one thing and one thing alone: selling Planter’s Peanuts.
CO2 emissions > Gases of prosperity | Smokestacks > Beacons of progress | Crude oil > Liquid America
Accidentally kill yourself on a snorkeling adventure you’re not trained for to see the coral reefs before they, too, go to be with the lord.
The meaning of life is being in a bathtub, no matter what the circumstances are. It’s joining a group to roll a beached whale back into the sea.
I know this is sugarcoated for the sake of elementary school curriculums but caterpillars do not transform into butterflies. They die in there.
Have you suffered a fall from a tower, leaving you hobbled and with a third eye? Try a few drops of ginger, basil, or turmeric for bone health.
Who faced more adversity than when Elizabeth was defrauding people based on an invention that was scientifically impossible? No one, that’s who.
There's no curve in this class. Curves are “the hammock that lulls able-bodied students into dependence and complacency, draining their will.”
I am the genetic material of two people who cut coupons, enjoy bird watching, and decorate their home with "live, laugh, love!" signs from TJ Maxx.
I am a robot whose contribution to popular culture burned bright but was brief. No one cares about Mars Rover anymore, because it's not 2003.
You can bet that Alfonso Cuaron is winning Best Director for Roma. It’s as plain as the socks that are still on my feet, babe.
At that point, I had covered my guns in concrete. I didn’t want them. But the game pulled me back and I ended up killing about a thousand more dudes.