The Family in “A Quiet Place” was Actually Afraid of Noise Pollution, Not Monsters
How is communicating in sign language, walking on sand trails, or keeping your children in soundproof rooms, really that different from recycling?
Tag: Science
I Invented a Time Machine and, No, I Can’t Kill Hitler
It’s made to sound like I would rather keep my time machine than kill Hitler, but it’s not a question of choosing between the two.
Welcome to Orangetheory Fitness, Where We Push it to the Limit, And Then, Like, A Whole Lot More After That
We simply weren’t burning enough calories. That’s why we swapped it out for High Intensity Forever Training (HIFT).
Ways the World Could End and What Happens After
The Sun Explodes: It’s been on fire for a few centuries now, it is only a matter of time until it explodes like a thing of bug spray in a campfire.
Robotics Team Totally Not Fucking the Robot
“Why does it have breasts?” Uh, women have breasts, okay? i-Rene is obviously female, duh! I mean we named her i-Rene.
A Message from the Scientists Who Created the Gigantic Fire-Breathing Chicken Monster
And is it our fault the Giant Fire-Breathing Chicken-Killing Ray Gun didn’t work at all, and only made the giant chicken more powerful than ever?
How to Let Your Child Know You’re Not Mad She Wants to Be an English Major, Just Disappointed
When she says she'll study “lesbian themes in Dickinson,” raise your eyebrows to remind her “your brother studied computer science and has a 401K.”
The UK’s Secret Plans for a No-Deal Brexit
If the pound plummets to junk status, Great Britain will return to the barter system. Price will be decided according to value in livestock.
ICE-breakers: Fun Games for Agents and Immigrant Children
Someone might say, “Never have I ever abandoned families at a bus station right before a hurricane!” and you would drink since you've done that.
The Secret to Marriage
Don't dwell on your decision to crush that hitchhiker’s skull after listening to your partner suck lettuce from their molar for the last seven exits.
I’m a Cholesterol Molecule and I’m Sick of All This Fat Shaming
Doctors always say things like "watch that cholesterol." They are unwarrantedly suspicious and overtly vigilante over an entire group. It's profiling!
Gift Ideas to Help Republican Grandparents Bribe Their Grandkids into Not Hating Them for Dooming Humanity
A skateboard is cool. No need for safety gear, either. You obviously don’t give a shit what happens to your grandkids, so a helmet would be confusing.