A Guide to Strong and Weak Passwords from Someone Who Definitely Didn’t Murder Her Husband
Don’t use the names of people you know, such as your husband---whose disappearance 12 years ago was a tragic accident you’re still really sad about.
Tag: Security
Your Password Has Been Leaked (But It’s Chill)
Definitely cringe, but as a tech startup that is not part of the Federal Reserve System, we’re kind of impressed. Seriously, this hack was lit.
I Am the Self-Checkout Machine and I Want to Play a Game
Error: Place all scanned items in the bagging area, even the 50-pound bag of dog food. Figure it out. The rules of our game have been made very clear.
This Is PayPal, Informing You That Your Account May Be Compromised
Have you been getting some emails that seem Phishy? This is PayPal, btw. The real PayPal. How can you know? You’ll get a gut feeling inside.
McDonald’s Menu Items Ranked by How Effective They Were at Giving Me the Nutrients I Needed to Break into Ronald McDonald’s Mansion and Try On His Clothes
A 30-Inch Footprint That I Touched and Then Tasted So I Could Begin Tracking Ronald: Without it, I wouldn’t have been able to murmur, “He’s near…”
Jason Bourne Wakes Up in Disney World and Briefs His Family
Why do I have a safety deposit box at Epcot full of cash, character location maps, and over one hundred trading pins?
Everyone Is Focusing on Me Dressing as a Grannie to Steal the Vaccine and Not on My Sick-Ass Costume
We researched it, okay? This wasn’t some half-ass throw on a scarf and call yourself Edna, intro-to-theatre-101 skit.
If You Don’t Mind Signing This Disclaimer Before You Enjoy That Raw Meat Sandwich
We at Fatty Matty’s Quakin’ Baconz do not assume liability for any health complications and/or death that may arise from the "DOIN’ IT RAW" special.
The Rules I Must Never Break in Order to Keep My Job Wringing the Oil Out of Tom Cruise’s Hair While He Calls Me a Neanderthal
When Mr. Cruise shouts his most favored insult at me, I must be grateful and verbally show him my appreciation with a delighted squeal.
The 4 Traffic Lights You’ll Meet on the CAPTCHA “Are You a Robot” Page
The One Attached to a Wire, Flying Over the Intersection: She’s in mid-air without a care in the world. She’s your manic pixie dream light.
I’d Like to Add 50 More Weeks to My Two Week’s Notice
The past six years have been rewarding and have not been a "suck chamber" where I’ve "eagerly counted down until my death."
Itemized Police Budget Report for June 2020
Bespoke Tom Ford rapid response tactical outerwear - $475,000 / “Good cop, bad cop” improv lessons - $36,000 / Body camera software updates - $3.50