A Relationship Advice Column for Anthropomorphic Trains
Recently my partner, a 1991 Diesel, has started abruptly switching tracks during our intimate time. What do I do?
Tag: Sex
Yes, James Bond Did Disarm You With Considerable Ease, But You’re Still a Valued Member of This Organization!
You almost get your revolver out fast enough to subdue James Bond, and show everyone that experience counts more than a dearth of love handles.
YouTube Presents: Comment Section Classics — A New Way to Experience Music
Mysterious Ways -- U2: “Man, music today is just insufferable. Back in my day, the FANS were supposed to be insufferable!”
Concerning the “Automated Boudoir Companion” I Purchased From Your Catalog
I was unable to tell if it was the machine or I who was screaming as I was jostled unpleasantly amid black smoke and splattering whale jelly.
Colonel Aureliano Buendía is Cancelled
Sorry, I can’t join your ragtag militia of freedom fighters, Mr. Buendía, I’m busy fighting to free my mind of institutionalized perceptions of truth and justice.
My Secret Diary: Confessions of a West Los Angeles Boy
Every morning, I wake up and eat a motivational quote for breakfast sprinkled with positive-flavored hemp seeds.
A Room-By-Room Explanation of Why You’re Paranoid and I’m Not Cheating
Is it really necessary to go through the garbage can? Yes, I see the notes you’ve found. They’re also from my mother.
Things That I Cannot Do as a Woman in a Movie Whose Major Personality Traits Are That I’m Incredibly Petite and a Man is in Love With Me
Me, get into bed on my own? No, I simply must be picked up and tossed like a doll before unleashing these surprisingly-supple breasts!
This Shapely Perfume Bottle is Hotter Than Me
Yet another advantage she has over me and my perpetually degrading corporeal being that needs stupid shit like food and water and exercise and love.
“Bohemian Rhapsody” Trivia
Within the first thirty seconds, there is a close-up of a microphone. This quickly establishes that this is a singing movie, about big singers.
Nothing Gets Me Hotter Than Explaining the Academy Awards to You, Babe
You can bet that Alfonso Cuaron is winning Best Director for Roma. It’s as plain as the socks that are still on my feet, babe.
My Mother Watches the Oscars With Me
Oh, Christian Bale, nominated for playing a 60-year-old man with a potbelly who only thinks about himself. Your father could have played that role.