I Hunted the Most Dangerous Game: The Animatronic Creatures at The Rainforest Cafe
A lot of people will call into question whether or not attacking robots in a theme restaurant can be considered a sport.
Tag: Sex
The Lamentations of Your Forgotten Love, The Cigarette
We grew together. We have history. Does vape know that you used to slobber too much in your tween years?
Jerry Maguire Quotes That Literally Sum Up My Boys’ Weekend in Atlantic City
“Show Me the Money!” I kept shouting this because I thought it was pretty funny (I mean, we were in the casino and I was trying to win the big bucks)
After Watching 10,000 Hours of Jordan Peterson YouTube Lectures, I Finally Understand What It Means to be a Real Man
I’m not sure what the hell he’s talking about, but as a practicing clinical psychologist, he probably knows something that I don’t.
I’m the Protagonist of a British Rom-Com and My Dear, I’ve Been Lying to You
I can't marry you into the Dukedom of Wellington: my parents are not the Duke and Duchess of Wellington. They're the Duke and Duchess of Devonshire!
When is the Best Time to Visit New York?
There are three distinct rivers in New York summers: the Hudson, the East, and the one continuously flowing down into your ass crack.
Sexy and Confusing Lessons from the Online Fitness Industry
Supplements are filled with patented-yet-unpronounceable ingredients originally designed to make racehorses faster and more prone to heart attacks.
Conch Shell Opens Up During a Weekend in the Hamptons
One time I was forced to watch my snail body get boiled, made into a ceviche soup, and served to a family of blondes on their backyard tennis court.
A Letter to Willy Wonka from Mrs. Bucket
My son only talks about candy lately, as though there is nothing more to running a business than coming up with colorful and dangerous food for kids.
Things Are Going Really Well For Me
I'm web famous! A viral video of me got over 2.5 million views. Look up, “total dipshit can’t find toilet in changing room, gives up, PEES himself.”
Tips for Owning a Birdhouse
Do not launder money through your birdhouse. It is a crime punishable by penalty of not getting to have a birdhouse anymore.
The Case for Watching “Three Men and a Baby” and “Baby’s Day Out” Back to Back
Baby vs. Single Men is the quintessential conflict of the time period, driving at the heart of America’s anxieties around wealth, gender, and cocaine.