The Last-Minute Condom Crisis
Should I run down to the corner store, endure the judgmental gaze of Marlene the cock-eyed clerk who works the night shift, to buy a box of condoms? Or just wing it?
Tag: Sex
10 Tips for New Moms and Strippers
It’s here, the moment you’ve been dreading and looking forward to for what feels like forever: your first day on the job at the strip club, or…you’ve just gone into labor.
My Erect Freshman Year
My erect penis and I walked to my dorm and mounted the steps of some side entrance. A gaped-mouth sophomore's pupils grew wide at the site of my dong. I had arrived.
It’s Time We Educated Our Male Cats About Rape Culture
Following my male cat's attempt to have sex with his sister, I realized that the real problem is endemic to the culture of rape in which he, and all cats, live.
The Unavoidable Sexual Plight of Man: Would I Bang Her?
Anytime a man gets a good look at a woman he's never seen before, there is an involuntary question he is forced to ask himself: Would I bang her?
1,000 Ways to Say Penis
These penis terms came from my brain, others' brains, and all over, and now they're all here for you, in all of their stiff, veiny glory.
56 Porn Search Terms, Analyzed in Real Time
The people over at PornHub decided to get together and throw all of the porn search terms accrued from all of their sites and just stream them live. Enjoy!
The Red Phone Diaries
Sorry Mrs. President, we tried to stop the First Man, but Bill was knee-deep in the Hooters already. We tried to email you about this situation, but we didn't get a reply.
Role-Play for Normal People with Boring Jobs
The mood is erotic, as an IKEA lap shines on the nightstand, the kids are at a sleepover, and "Now That’s What I Call Music 51" plays that one song you like.
Welcome to the Fleshlight Family!
Thanks to customers like you, we are proving that there is no point in using your hand when you can put your dick directly into a silicone tube.
How to Seduce Flo from Progressive Insurance, In Your Imagination
As a male, I am biologically obligated to mentally have sex with Flo from Progressive. How would it go? What would it be like in those starchy white pants?
I Was Good in Bed, Right?
Can you hear my grunts? Can you feel how slippery my body has become? The truth is, this is more than sex to me.