Sleep | Page 4 | Points in Case

Tag: Sleep

Day Two: To smooth things over with my girlfriend, I write "You'll always be my Number One worm" in gummies on the kitchen floor.

Stoned college kids convincing themselves it’s really everyone else who is stoned / A yawn that never ends / Vomit splashing into a toilet

Twinkle, twinkle little star, / How I wonder who I are. / I ain’t no saint, or rabbi, / But that don’t make me a bad guy.

An essential precaution against these hazardous situations is making sure that you’re walking back toward your house before getting out on the road.

By the end of the semester, you should be able to verbally sedate your significant others for an entire dinner conversation.

Our friendly staff will welcome you in the lobby, where we’ll happily carry your bags for you. Look at you pretending you’re about to help!

Billy, look at your mother! Tell me you hid the Milanos with Dark Chocolate Filling! Oh, my child... How could you?

This residency is fully funded and exists in an alternate universe where the words fully funded do not mean we give you funds.

If I travel back in time, we need to have a code word to indicate to the other person that I have time-traveled. Our code word will be “arugula.”

Observation: Heart palpitations, shortness of breath, chest discomfort, numb left arm. Hypothesis: I'm having a heart attack and I will die soon.

Just a short walk to the train: The nearest subway stop is a mile away and trains don’t stop there on weekends.

"That resembles nothing of a telephone, and I should know, I once lost a beloved terrier to Alexander Graham Bell in an ill-advised wager."