I’m an SEC-Football-Turned-Bumble Coach and Your Offense Is Trash
Your dating game plan is dogshit. I haven’t seen an operation this shit-tier since my first job at Southwestern Louisiana A&M Poly Tech State.
Tag: Sports
Ideas for New NFL Mascots: Hackers, Salmonella, and Road Rage
Imagine the home-field advantage for the SF Identity Thieves as their mascot "Guccifer 7.0" announces credit card info of the opposing players.
Backstories for the Stuffed Animals in Simulated Baseball Audience
Googly-eyed octopus behind catcher’s mound: Campaign manager for a commemorative Beanie Baby with a nascent political streak.
The Unwritten Rules of Baseball
The phone is for calling the bullpen, not pranking the loser ump by telling him his wife is in labor.
Bridgefield High School Fall Sports Are Cancelled, But Not Because We Suck at Football
Sure, our football team has been subpar ever since Brent Bryerson graduated three years ago, but that isn't a concern.
I’m You 30 Minutes from Now and I Definitely Regret Going for That Run
I’m here to tell you that you’re totally right about today not being the right day for a run. You really don’t want any part of this, man.
I’m Your NHL Commissioner, and If I Say We’re Playing at EPCOT, We’re Playing at EPCOT!
We may not have the NBA Bubble, but we do have the NHL Geodesic Sphere. It’s an exhibit called "1999: World of Tomorrow," and it’s your new home.
Fucking Roger Federer: A Journeyman Tennis Player’s Prayer
Give me Rafael Nadal. I would let Rafa bagelize me as compared to you-know-who. Is that too much for a poor, first-time U.S. Open qualifier to ask?
Surprising New Rules for Major League Baseball’s COVID-19 Season
If both opponents' Designated Epidemiologists agree that it will aid in player immunity, MLB will allow injections of anabolic steroids.
As the Commissioner of Major League Baseball, My Job Is to Give Fans Exactly What They Want: As Little Baseball as Possible
I've been accused of only looking out for the owners, which is patently false. The products—I mean players!—are my absolute top priority
My Only Job Option Is to Play Professional Baseball
There's no better job out of college than playing in the MLB. Great pay, fame, and most of the time you’re standing around and not doing anything.
It’s National Signing Day for Geeks
Buck: Wow, Jim. I especially liked the raw footage of Chip kicking butt in the chess club, and that slo-mo of him acing the AP calc exam.