A Helicopter Mom Delivers a Heartfelt Promposal
You kids have so much in common. He loves dogs, too. He just can’t be in the same room with them. He’s highly allergic. To everything.
Tag: Star Wars
Colonel Sanders Was a Union Officer and Will Therefore Not Be Cancelled
Sanders graduated from Transylvania University with honors in Afro-Caribbean Studies, Women and Sexuality Studies, and Herbalism ‘n’ Spicesism.
Apolitical Questions the Senate Judiciary Committee Members Wish They Could Ask Supreme Court Nominees
Is there a Supreme Court bowling team called “Divided Court-United Ballers?” If not, why?
We’re Sorry We Didn’t Make the “Star Wars” Movie You Want
We were just trying to make a good movie that everyone could enjoy, and we never meant to hurt your feelings.
Things We Learn About Han Solo in “Solo: A Star Wars Story”
Once, he drove the Millennium Falcon to McDonald’s, Google Maps said “Bon appetit!” and Han thought it was making fun of him so now he only uses Waze.
Psych Test for First Order Applicants
Do you purposefully find buttons in hopes that pressing one could destroy a planet or star system? A. Yes B. No C. What are buttons
DS-1 Orbital Battle Station Airbnb Listing
A great place to stay on those days when you're in a bad mood and just "wanna kill everybody on the whole fucking planet."
Who Will Win Big at the 2018 Oscars?
Popular wisdom has Gary Oldman and Daniel Day-Lewis fighting it out for best actor, but they're gonna have a hard time beating the deserving winner.
I’m Afraid Audiences Watched “Star Wars: The Last Jedi” with the Unrealistic Expectation That It Would Save My Marriage
As crazy as it seems, I believe Star Wars fans felt cheated when the credits rolled and Melinda and I were still on the brink of divorce.
Death Stars Must Be Legalized for Private Ownership
My name is Krazzed Dumm'fuk, proud member of the Galactic Blaster Rifle Association. We must fight to lift the ban on private Death Star ownership.
Darth Vader Tries Speed Dating
Why are you in a black bodysuit again? And what's up with that helmet? Why do you wear a mask anyway, Mr. Mystery?
Things I’m Looking Forward to in 2017
It's a brand new year and we can finally put all that BS behind us... unless you're David Bowie, Prince, George Michael, or Carrie Fisher.