Hastings Entertainment Store Changed My Life
It is May 10, 2008. I am nine years old. I purchase the book Frindle from Hastings Entertainment Store. My mind grows fat off its teachings.
Tag: Stories
Me? Oh, Just Living the Dream
So now I’m a child, still bouncing on the trampoline—did I mention the forest floor is made of trampoline?—and I’m trying desperately not to cry.
I Switched Bodies with My Dog, and He’s Outperforming Me in Every Way
Got a haircut and started showering every day. And I’m pretty sure he got my Michael Scott tattoo removed, but he won’t let me see.
Not Another Regency Romance
Soon, I’ll have to decide which to marry. For now, we do a lot of courtship. One of them might stare at me, and I stare back.
This Noir Detective Definitely Skipped Dinner
She rolls into my office like one of those rotating hot dogs at 7-11. You know the ones, plastic-y but intriguing.
I Waited in Line for 11 Years and That Cronut Just Wasn’t Worth It
I walked on and on, finally reaching the end of the line alongside Route 276 just outside King of Prussia, Pennsylvania.
A Full Account of Your 39-Year-Old Husband “Cuttin’ Loose”
Rather than responding “sounds chill boyz,” he ignored the message, instead opting for a podcast about the disappearing watermen of the Chesapeake Bay.
How the Indianapolis International Airport Won the J.D. Power and Associates Award for Best Medium Airport in North America Four Times in a Row: An Oral History
"A lesser airport CEO would have focused on vanity projects, like adding more of those carts that escort people faking injuries or improving security, but not Mario."
Select Excerpts from a Novel Written by an Author Who Doesn’t Know How to Cook
“One final touch, my dear boy,” his Grandma said, carefully placing an entire stick of butter on top of the dish.
Camping: Just like Being at Home but Shittier
The water is so chalked full of minerals that no matter how hard I try, I cannot get the soap to lather. Just like the shower at home, but shittier.
Join Me on a Doctor Crawl for My 26th Birthday
Join me on an epic day of going to all the doctors I’ve been avoiding since I was a teen and will no longer have access to!
A Day in the Life of a Viking Kindergarten Teacher
The more advanced students write basic sentences in their workbooks: “The—dog—says—woof” and “The—villager—screams—aarrrrrgggghhh!”