Practicing Communism in Everyday Situations
We all are truly Communists, but sometimes we lose sight of that and accidentally become corporations. You're better than that, pseudo-intellectualists.
Tag: Stories
Real-Life Hookup Adventures from the AOL Chatroom Days
Before pedophiles and criminals ruined internet hookups, there was a time when you could parlay pithy dialogue with girls on AOL into actual "romantic" encounters.
When Family Movie Night Turns NC-17
We all tried to act naturally as we each desperately tried to cultivate that aloof, detached demeanor associated with watching a sexual scene with one's family.
Breaking Up with Molly
I was sitting in the waiting room playing Angry Birds on my phone to distract myself, thinking back on how all of this had started: simple goodbye sex.
One Time I Fell Out of a Tree
The tree was right there the whole time, but it had never before occurred to me that this tree's purpose was to be climbed. And who wants to disappoint a tree?
Why You Should Never Work at Sizzler
Anna-Shaleen relations rapidly deteriorated during our first lunch shift. I realized I'd officially gotten on her bad side when the question of gun control was raised.
The Express Oil Change from Hell
I strive to avoid two things: inconvenience and brainless idiots. Yet somehow I managed to find a place with both under the same roof: Oil Can Henry’s.
The Time I Accidentally Climbed a Volcano
"Oh my dear sweet literal fuck that is a volcano I am on a volcano oh fuck a volcano is steaming under my feet and I am not a lucky person I am going to die!"
How I Sold My BS in Nutrition
The number one rule of bullshitting: If you know you don't have the tools or experience, think of someone who does and pretend to be them.
The Tax Man Cometh
With your know-how of American tax code, you end up saving the Joneses seventeen dollars and a mandatory Dane Cook concert. If only that was reward enough.
I Steal Breakfast
All I wanted to do was to use the bathroom and get back on the road, but a lovely woman working the breakfast station approached me and said, "Come grab a bite."
Porter Potter Elementary, The School That Gives a Crap
I'm Vice Principal Rudd. Welcome to Porter Potter Elementary School's annual Spring Thing Carnival, honoring the founding father of our fair city, the inventor of the PortoPotty.