The Last-Minute Condom Crisis
Should I run down to the corner store, endure the judgmental gaze of Marlene the cock-eyed clerk who works the night shift, to buy a box of condoms? Or just wing it?
Should I run down to the corner store, endure the judgmental gaze of Marlene the cock-eyed clerk who works the night shift, to buy a box of condoms? Or just wing it?
These last three weeks have been so great and special, but I think it’s going to be too much for me to carry on pretending I like museums.
After about half an hour on hold, the host of the radio show finally came through and asked me: "What's your beef with Philadelphia sports?" Cole Hamels of course.
My erect penis and I walked to my dorm and mounted the steps of some side entrance. A gaped-mouth sophomore's pupils grew wide at the site of my dong. I had arrived.
Welcome, everyone, to the North Jersey Chapter of Assholes Anonymous. Before we begin, please take this opportunity to make sure your cellphones are ON.
I should have been a gun guy, or even a gunsmith. I could have made hundreds of them and stored them all over my house. Why did I become an accountant?
It's taken me a lot to get to this point: taking a poop on acid. For those of you who never intend to drop acid, this is what it means to poop while tripping: everything.
She spoke in sexy baby-talk, which I hated before, but with the adrenaline from holding a live grenade, it was the sexiest thing I'd ever heard.
Employing a more acceptable word like "neuter" would not alter the graphic significance of such a canine procedure, at least to any human male.
My dad cashed his F word chip in around my brothers and me with a salty, heartfelt "MOTHER FUCKER." All because he didn't know how to use a handsaw.
After stumbling on his internet search, all I can picture is my dad fucking a horse. It's not something you can let slide, like forgetting to turn the AC off.
Bernard knew he had skin cancer. He knew, for a fact, he didn't have that mole on his neck a couple of weeks ago. Well, he was pretty sure he didn't.