Casino Blue Balls
After gassing up the car and withdrawing the rent, I set out white knuckled on the open road seeking easy fortune and cheap thrills at the nearest casino I could think of.
Tag: Stories
Ghosts of Cold War Past
Children. There's the siren. You know the routine. Under your desks! Be careful. The snake got loose again. Old Rattley is on the floor somewhere and bitin' mad.
The Girl with the Stank Booty
Yesterday my boy Willie B. hooked me up with a blind date. I met her in a gas station McDonald's for an early supper, and immediately fell in lust.
Aunt Margaret’s Neverending Boat Story
I first started pondering the curious storytelling habits of the elderly while sitting at the dinner table amongst 12 other family members, listening to a canoe story from my Great Aunt.
The Painful Reality of Waking Up Hungover on a Work Day
I wake up to the fifth and final alarm set on my cell phone: 10:45am. I have to be at work in 15 minutes, where the fuck am I and why is there no god?
That 80’s High School Party
My best friend Winston heard that my parents would be out of town for the weekend and his eyes glazed over with one thought: PARTY. And before I knew it, the wheels were in motion.
Romancing the Bone: A Lonely Love Story
Using the formula "Sex - Contraceptive = Baby," my wife and I began "trying to have a baby." But first, our little science project began with a semen analysis to gauge my potency.
Letter to My Littering Neighbor
My initial shock and disbelief quickly dissolved into anger. I knew what I was supposed to do—not litter—but where was the commercial that taught you how to deal with litterers?
The Seedy, Sexy Underbelly of Twitter
It was Christmas Eve on Twitter when I tweeted, "I drink Starbucks coffee because when you're single, you forget the taste of butthole." And I immediately attracted the attention of one man.
Revenge of the Ex
Bumping into an ex you haven't seen or spoken to for ages is one of those embarrassing moments that happens to both sexes. And it's always worse if the ex is with their new partner.
The Twisted Christmas Miracle in the Woods
As I stood in the woods digging the hole to bury the old man, I realized he wasn't quite dead. And that's when he told me a story of Christmas I'll never forget.
Upper Haight: A Whole New World
Until moving to San Francisco, I had spent nearly my entire life in Indiana. Hours after arriving, I went to the place that exemplifies the extremes of SF like nowhere else: Upper Haight Street.