Porter Potter Elementary, The School That Gives a Crap
I'm Vice Principal Rudd. Welcome to Porter Potter Elementary School's annual Spring Thing Carnival, honoring the founding father of our fair city, the inventor of the PortoPotty.
Tag: Stories
Now I Know Why Strippers Don’t Eat Indian Food
It's hard enough to cook Indian food that tastes good, but to follow up a lousy meal with a gassy pole dancing class in front of real strippers just adds insult to injury.
We’ll Take on Obama, Man
If Obama-nation thinks he can be a dictator in the U.S. he's got another thing coming. We'll be right there to stop him. You and me, and our right to bare arms.
The Nuremburger Trial
Scott Willard didn't look at himself as a 58-year-old guy in just any clown suit. He was THE Ronald McDonald; a beloved, recognizable icon more popular than Jesus Christ.
My First Day at the Circus
The guy who used to make the popcorn, who is now Bruinhilda, the Spectacular Dancing Bear of the Mysterious Gypsies, tells me I got lucky.
My First Day of School, Part 2
Before I walked in to school, I took a second to look in the mirror and reassure myself that I'm powerful and people respect me and that I was going to make the kids my slaves.
My First Day at Church
As I walked up to the building for the first time, all of the altar boys in the church started pointing at me and whispering as if I was some kind of a freak.
My First Day of Senility
I knew that while meeting my children that day for the first time would be a happy experience, I would be enduring the strange feeling of knowing nobody.
My First Day at Alcoholics Anonymous
For most people, Alcoholics Anonymous might be a second chance, a new lease on life. For me, it was a place for people to make fun of my most vulnerable physical attributes.
My First Day at the Cemetery
My biggest fear at the cemetery was getting beat up at lunch, an occurrence that I had yet to witness happen to anyone on any of my other first days of digging holes.
My First Day at Prison
I will never forget my first day at Kingston Penitentiary. It didn't take more than a second or two for my fears to be validated, as inmates started pointing and whistling at me.
My First Day of School
For most people, the first day of school is an exciting opportunity to reunite with friends and start a new year with a clean slate. For me, it was pure fear of the unknown.