The Dregs of Society
Once upon a recession, a family of wandering gypsies arrived in America by steamer from Istanbul, and their long stay at the Marriott proved more fruitful than expected.
Tag: Stories
Facebooking My Biological Father
The following are actual Facebook messages between me and my biological father, who has been absent from my life since I was about five years old.
iPhone Number Three Meets Chappy’s Number Two
If you tell someone that you dropped a phone in the toilet, they invariably have but one question: 'Was it clean, or….you know?'
The Yogurt Palace: My Years as a King
I worked a different 9 to 5, PM to AM. I was the night maintenance guy at the Yogurt Palace, and I had the whole Palace to myself. For those 9 hours, I was king.
How to Avoid Being Butt-Fucked By a Goat in Two Easy Steps
I bet Billy Mays could do a lot more than sell useless crap to dumb people. Can you imagine having him as your wingman at the bar? I can.
The Mini-Skirt Squirts
If you think dining hall grub smells bad freshly cooked, imagine a girl, in a mini-skirt, in the middle of class, in the middle of the row, who just shit herself.
One Ticket to the Pee Parade, Please
'These people are eating McDonald’s, how much more grossed out could they be if they saw a homeless penis?' I thought. Not very much apparently.
Diary of a Purple-Haired Woman
What possessed me to dye my hair purple, I cannot say. It all started with DIY hair bleach and three bottles of Gentian Violet. And it got worse from there.
Jesus and the Vaginal Waterfall
I thought it could only happen in pornos, but in the darkness of the parking lot I witnessed my first female ejaculation.
Having Sex With My Girlfriend on Her Period
Even though my ex was constantly in the mood for sex, I willfully abstained through her first four periods. Then we hit the bloody sheets.
Legends of the Hidden Temple Ruined My Life
When I returned home from the game show, I was ostracized by my peers - mocked, ridiculed, beaten. All because I failed to defeat Kirk Fogg.
God’s First Try
A long time ago, God realized he could put stuff on Earth. So he decided that the dinosaurs would have to worship him. How? By hatching his dinosaur son.