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Eternity. Did you catch that? That’s two months times infinity. Let that rattle around in your thick skull for a moment.

I apologize, she giggles and our shared weakness for Snickerdoodles suggests we will fall madly in love by Christmas. Her name is Lacey Sherbert.

"We have orders from the city to remove that thing from your property. Effective immediately.” He pointed toward the Inflatable Wacky Tube Man.

Utu dropped the carcass and turned back for the cave. Very suddenly, he stopped in his tracks and raised his eyebrows in surprise.

A week ago, my girlfriend left me for a flying fish. You know, the kind with the little wings that glide, the kind you hear about.

“D-Did I leave my Chapstick over here?” Meadowbrook blurted. “Oh!” She said. “If you did, I haven’t seen it. Maybe it floated out of your pod?”

An orange squid has entered my dreams, watching me practice my ascending spin and barrel sculls with languid disinterest. I cannot banish him.

Spying her water bottle, he transformed it into a La Croix. Kim took a sip, swished a little, and frowned. “I only like Pampelmousse"

He was there all hours of the day, rain or shine, lost in the peace of his mellow being. He returned none of our casual hellos and friendly waves.

Then right on cue, the whole complex became a mashup of Duck Soup: Mrs. Tyndale burst out of her door singing what sounded like some sort of aria.

I only had one thing a female jail junkie would want: A bobby pin. Tiffany’s eyes widened with excitement and offered food.

Our love blossomed with the speed of a carefully edited, 30-second commercial for prescription diarrhea medicine.