A Guy Who Only Eats Animal Crackers Brings His Bumble Date to a Fancy Scandinavian Restaurant
Things had escalated quickly. "The man is messing with you, Leonard. Maybe she dared him. Get out there and get his goddamn order, goddamnit!"
Tag: Stories
An Evening with General Custer’s Great-Great-Great-Great Grandson at Buffalo Wild Wings
Chesney stormed out of the gate, inhaling what must've been 25-30 wings in the first two minutes. Drums, flats, didn't matter.
I Tried Eating Like an Instagram Foodie for a Week and Turns Out I’m Not Too Young to Have a Heart Attack
You can never go wrong with pizza, eggs, sushi, unicorn foods, pizza, pasta, rosé, ramen, tacos, or pizza.
I Am Very Special
This mug featured nine cats smiling at me and each other with the encouraging words, “You’re very special,” written in delicate script above them.
The Girl Scout Cookies: Where Are They Now?
Thin Mint talks first. She looks healthy but is no longer the waifish figure from past boxes. Despite her added curves, she's lost none of her snap.
Aesop’s Fables, Updated for a Capitalist World
Thinking he'd overtaken the tortoise in the race, the hare took a nap under a tree. He was right to sleep, given his Adidas UltraBoost running shoes.
A Non-Surcharged Account of the Final MoviePass All-Hands Meeting
MoviePass CEO Mitch Lowe felt like Tom Cruise in these days of thunder. Saving his business seemed an impossible mission, even with the right moves.
Monologues: The Death of My Hair and My A/C Euthanasia Machine
The great reviews it got were a combination of people pleased with its cooling capabilities as well as it’s craftsmanship as a self-death machine.
I’m Really Not as Healthy as I Look
I read that there’s a path to your brain behind your eye, which may or may not be true, and I may or may not have read it, but no one can deny eyes are important.
I’m an Uber Customer Service Associate and I’ve Been on the Phone with Clint Eastwood for 3 Years
I saw my own reflection on the screen of my computer and I was reminded of the oath I took when I accepted this job at Uber.
What Am I Supposed to Do with a Ventriloquist Dummy That’s NOT Haunted?
After buying a creepy antique doll, I was extremely disappointed to find out that there is nothing supernatural lurking behind its dead eyes.
Four Miraculous Tales of Survival by Young Children in Peril
Relying solely on their wits and instincts, these brave kids overcame incredible odds to survive life-threatening situations.