If You’ve Only Got One Arm, You’re Not Typically the Kind of Guy Who’s Gonna Be a Hollywood Actor
Bjarne says that there are so many other guys out there with two arms that it puts you at a big disadvantage if you only have one.
Tag: Stories
The Good Life with My Rich Wife
Janine, love of my life, woman of my dreams, hired a ball grabber for me. I didn't even know those women existed until I met her.
How to Import a Dagger Without Getting Arrested
It is difficult to describe the expression on a security guard’s face when you run a backpack with a 17-inch dagger through the x-ray machine.
Am I Turning Into My Dad?
"My head is too big to fit into women's frames," I told the eyecare associate. "But it’s still not big enough to break the glass ceiling."
An Open Letter to Jay-Z and Beyoncé, My Roommates’ Neglected Cats
At night you claw at my door to let you in, hoping in vain that you might find more affection from me. It's become too much really.
Horny Bulgarian Women Looking to Fuck Near You!
I never wanted to be the jealous girlfriend, but the first thing I did when my boyfriend moved to Bulgaria is Google "Are Bulgarian women hot?"
A Young Man’s First Period
Even as an 8-year-old boy, I knew that having my period would make me a man; it was the first step to becoming an adult.
Parrots are Assholes
When Mom came home from the swap meet with a trio of parrots, I was stoked. But it didn't take long for me to realize one thing: parrots are assholes.
I Lost a Silver Bullet in My Butt
Over time, you tend to become more and brave with the vibrating pleasure bullet. Sticking him in places where you feel pretty safe he'll pop right back out.
You’re Never Too Old for Drive-Thru Road Rage
His eyes were wild, and thin wisps of his silver hair shuddered in the wind. “Fuck you!” he shouted while thrusting a Crypt Keeper finger in my face.
Five Places I’ve Had to Call My Mother From on Her Birthday
I've been arrested for protesting clear-cutting and punching a security guard in the dick. When my Mom answers, she asks why the caller ID says "Humboldt County Jail."
Six Stories from Working at a Southern Thrift Shop
I work at a thrift shop. If it isn't clearly stated by word of law that it is illegal to sell something, we will slap a price tag on it and try to convince you that you need it.