How to Get Past Your Baseball Team Losing in the Playoffs…Again
If your friend's team was the one that eliminated your team, tell them they can see you at your funeral.
Tag: Stress
“Mission: Impossible Fallout” Fails to Fully Capture My Experience of Life as a White Man
I’m worried about the young white boy who watches this movie and doesn’t realize there’s pleasure in riding a helicopter that doesn’t entail gunfire.
The Lamentations of Your Forgotten Love, The Cigarette
We grew together. We have history. Does vape know that you used to slobber too much in your tween years?
A Series of Recent Rejection Letters
‘Sup Reject, Thanks for your interest in pursuing the most radical career opportunity of your life with us. After scopin’ out your CV, nah.
Thank You, Rabbi, For Explaining Your Tattoos, But We’d Really Like to Keep Our Wedding Ceremony Brief
The anecdote of how you got the Sublime sun tattoo on your arm was, well, compelling, but my wife-to-be has never listened to "40 Oz. to Freedom."
In Conclusion: Aliens Not Only Built The Pyramids, But They Also Committed That Murder I’ve Been Accused Of
And sure, the judge may say this is all “outside the scope of the trial”---but who are you gonna listen to? Me, or this fuckin' alien judge?
A 49-Year-Old’s Thoughts While Walking the Dog
Maybe I’ll save a kid from drowning by jumping from a bridge. A local hero, on the news...wait, no one under 70 watches the news: trend on Twitter.
The Thunder in Paradise: Poems Created From Interviews With Hulk Hogan, Part 5
I was praying to God that maybe the reality show / would give my marriage more net worth / and make my partner feel like she had a purpose in life.
Discovery Channel Presents “Naked and Afraid: Game of Thrones”
Featuring almost as much nudity and survival-based killings as the smash-hit HBO series, this is sure to be the can't-miss reality show of the year.
A Non-Surcharged Account of the Final MoviePass All-Hands Meeting
MoviePass CEO Mitch Lowe felt like Tom Cruise in these days of thunder. Saving his business seemed an impossible mission, even with the right moves.
Things to Prepare Yourself for When You Graduate College
You’ll feel that you’ve won the war of slobs vs. snobs you started with the Dean. But then you’ll realize how happy Dean Trublioni makes your dad.
Your New Stress Reducing, Anxiety Relieving, Weighted Blanket
My parents got me this as a housewarming gift but I still live with them. Does this mean they want me to move out?