Mistakes I Made Babysitting My Girlfriend’s Guinea Pigs
It should have been easy—they're basically small, furry cows devoid of complex needs or even souls. What I could not foresee was rebellion.
Tag: Stress
Competitive Texting: 10 Ways to Seem Like the Busier Mom
Throwaways like "Things are cray!" and "It's such a busy time of year!" don't mean anything if you don't have the unavailability to back it up.
I’m Afraid Audiences Watched “Star Wars: The Last Jedi” with the Unrealistic Expectation That It Would Save My Marriage
As crazy as it seems, I believe Star Wars fans felt cheated when the credits rolled and Melinda and I were still on the brink of divorce.
How to Deal with the Tragedy of Losing a Friend on Facebook
Hey, guess what? You just lost another friend on Facebook. And it wasn't an accidental click or a computer glitch either - it was you.
A Sneak Peek at R.L. Stine’s Newest Goosebumps Book
Goosebumps books have captivated young readers for generations. Here's a sample from the latest entry in the beautifully written series.
Traveling Back in Time and Making It So I Was Never Born Has Put a Serious Strain on My Marriage
In my quest to pitch "The King of Queens" a year before Kevin James could, I accidentally interrupted my parents' first date, thus ruining my marriage.
5 Distracting Topics to Bring Up While Your Family Opens Your Shitty Gifts
Did you hear my kindergarten teacher Mrs. Applebaum passed away? She was only 67. Really makes you appreciate that Halloween mug, doesn't it?
I Just Painted My Social Security Number on the Side of My House for My YouTube Channel!
Hello to everyone out there in cyberspace, it's me, Brock Yeager, international daredevil extraordinaire with more crazy, death-defying stunts!
Merry Christmas From the Millers to All You Fuckers
Sue grew into her breasts last year and is now popular with the boys, but she is self-identifying as Asian which is also confusing the boys.
Hi, This is Jimmy from Wikipedia and I’m Writing to Ask, One Last Time: Please Consider Paying Me Back for Your Portion of Last Sunday’s Brunch
Here's an incredible statistic: if 100% of people at the brunch paid me back right now, you would never have to hear from me again.
What to Do in the Event of a Shark Attack
Mirror the shark's movements so it thinks it's looking into a mirror, and then the second it gets suspicious, bonk it on the head and swim away.
The Scrambler: Your Nemesis at Every Local Amusement Park
The ride starts up and our car whips around and gathers speed. "HOLY SHIT we're heading straight for the fence!" my coffee conscience says.