Dear Families That Share Holiday Letters
I noticed that you already posted those vacation photos online, but the evidence of just how wealthy your family is magneted to my fridge is a treat!
I noticed that you already posted those vacation photos online, but the evidence of just how wealthy your family is magneted to my fridge is a treat!
I celebrate their beauty and empower their right to feel sexy. But no matter how nice I am to sharks, they still refuse to let me be their boyfriend.
A week ago, my girlfriend left me for a flying fish. You know, the kind with the little wings that glide, the kind you hear about.
An orange squid has entered my dreams, watching me practice my ascending spin and barrel sculls with languid disinterest. I cannot banish him.
Then right on cue, the whole complex became a mashup of Duck Soup: Mrs. Tyndale burst out of her door singing what sounded like some sort of aria.
All lifeguards are entitled to one free snack per day. In exchange, all snack bar employees are entitled to one free rescue per day. Make it count.
"You fielded eighteen promposals before February. That's a county record."
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix: This one’s about people from different backgrounds coming together to fight for a greater good. Skip!
If I had made it through the dramatic events of that April night, I would have died anyway since the last Titanic survivor passed away in 2009.
The producers were convinced that my boyfriend Todd was the actual killer. Have you seen Todd? My little baby cousin is stronger than him.
Did you assume it was easy for all of us to bleach our hair two months after coming out? No. But we all did it. Every single one of us.
While I am from California and a girl, I did not grow up inhaling the sea breeze, or riding shotgun in the red Jeep of a blonde guy named Chad.