An Open Letter to the Guy Who Receives Self-Help Tips from the Pornhub Comment Section
We sympathize that you've lost “thousands of comments I need to get through the daily existential dread,” we have a moral obligation to protect our users.
Tag: Tech
Russian Hackers Also Condemn the U.S. Government’s Weak Response to Their Recent Cyber Attack
Nobody likes working a job where their accomplishments go unrecognized or unnoticed, covert Russian hackers included.
One-Star Yelp Reviews of Heaven
I would have given zero stars if I could! It’s really amazing what’s “not an option” up here.
A Request from the 9 Tabs You’ve Had Open Since July
We know you opened us with the best of intentions but let’s be honest, if you haven’t read us by now you never will.
Everything in the Notes App on Your Phone
Journal entries dissecting a previous relationship / Bad poetry / Concerns to share with doctor / Reminder to self to be more crafty
What Your Favorite Coronavirus Vaccine Says About You
AstraZeneca: As a gentleman of an Eton and Oxbridge pedigree, you take pride in dignified indolence. Why give it your all when 70% is just fine?
Welcome, Santa’s Workshop, to the Amazon Corporate Family
Does this mean Santa's Workshop will close? Santa's Workshop will live on as a digital storefront competing with hundreds of counterfeiters.
An Open Letter to All the Men I’ve Loved Before, Who Are Unaware We’re Currently Dating
I’m disappointed that after our four-message exchange about how our weekends went, you haven’t proposed. It’s been almost a year, after all.
Are You Familiar with My Podcast, Your Honor?
It’s a tri-weekly show hosted by me on the Pep Boys Podcast Network. Don’t bother looking that network up, just trust it exists.
2020 Wrapped Updates Spotify Chose Not to Share
You pity-listened to your friend's new pandemic comedy podcast once so you'd have an answer next time he asked if you "Tuned in with Tim."
New GPS Personalities for Drivers
Irritable Parent: “I SAID, turn right. Am I doing this for my health? You wanted to get to 1862 Forestway Boulevard North"
Can Someone Get Me Out of These Group Chats?
As soon as I step away from my phone for two minutes, I come back to 8,700 unread messages. There’s no way I can keep up with it.