Blue Apron Continued to Deliver Me Food While I Disappeared From Thanos’ “Snap”
And you charged me for all of it?! That’s over $15,000! Listen, I’m not made of that Tony Stark money
Tag: Tech
I Caught a Self-Driving Car
You don't release a fleet of driverless vehicles on a city and not expect someone to try to lasso one and wrestle it to a stop.
Let’s Rebuild Our Infrastructure, U.S.A.-Style
If I were overseeing this initiative, I’d start with building more “natural” wonders. People seem to love lakes, mountains and caverns, right?
Amazon Delivery Options Based on Number of Likes on Jeff Bezos’ Cat’s Instagram Posts
501-1000 likes: Your package will be delivered by dedicated Piper Cub and guarded en route by a contingent of off-duty Allstate Security agents.
Having Never Seen a Marvel Movie, We Predict the End of “Avengers: Endgame”
The Avengers discover that “Thanos” was actually an illicit health-technology scheme run by Iron Man’s ex-girlfriend, Elizabeth Holmes.
My Response to Your Big Work News: A Guide
I “loved” your announcement on Facebook, and left a comment about how excited I am for you. > I find your friendship exhausting.
The Harrowing Tale of Going 52 Hours Without a Phone
I’m outside now, walking to the nearby pizza shop. There are people everywhere, so many of them, crawling all over the place.
Let Me Feign Confidence for This Networking Luau
Sitting at a bar alone chewing mint gum while sipping a fruity drink is the ideal thing for a confident person to do at a party.
Classic Song Titles Re-Imagined at This Tech-Heavy, Millennial-Targeted, Social-First Advertising Agency
"Get Rich Media Banners or Die Tryin’" and "Jenny From the Blockchain": these are the kind of tunes best optimized for my life working here.
The Girl of My Dreams Was a Paid Advertisement
Our love blossomed with the speed of a carefully edited, 30-second commercial for prescription diarrhea medicine.
RE: The Restless Dead Haunting the Office
Could we reschedule our 3:00? A rift between this world and the next has opened in the conference room, and we can’t hear client calls over the endless torture of the damned.
Ideas for Mending Your Relationship with the IRS after Being Caught Cheating on Taxes
Remind the IRS of simpler tax days. Create an apology collage out of all the old receipts you filed when you first entered the workforce.