KC and NYC Get a Divorce
Kids, New York City and I want to tell you that we both care for you very very much, and this conversation is not because of you. This is hard for both of us to say, and we want you to but we're getting a permanent divorce.
Tag: Thank Me Later
Realistic Jobs for Liberal Arts Majors
If you think you're going to make it big in the dancing, acting, singing, writing or drawing worlds, you've got to come to a bit of reality. If you want the arts to be your career, you have to get a job first. And jobs usually suck.
My First Concert, Part 2: Dancing with the White Devil
I had no idea what to expect at my first White Zombie concert. Would Rob Zombie and that hot bass player chick actually be in my little hometown? Would somebody rob me so they could buy drugs? Was I going to see real boobs for the first time?
My First Concert, Part 1: Precious Metal
I might have been the only person in history JEALOUS that my friends attended a Hootie and the Blowfish concert without me. It was alright though because I bought tickets for White Zombie - the concert experience that would change my life.
My Littlest Brother Comes to the Big City
My 21-year-old brother Lil Bot (I'm Big Bot) came to The Big Apple during his Spring Break so he could see me, party down, and get cultured--our mom wanted this to be more than a drunken fiasco like our usual meetings.
My Best Advice on College Chicks
Transfer to the easiest school you find with the hottest chicks. Sure your family is a legacy at Harvard, but are there hot chicks there? No, but you can be damn sure Maxim picks up plenty of babes from Miami State Community College.
The Ugly Side of Fashion Week
I belong at NYC's Fashion Week about as much as I belong at a smart people's convention. But shit happens and I found myself bartending an event for Fashion Week, 168 hours of small talk with strangers, wearing stupid clothes, and trying to be popular.
Can We Not Talk About Me for a Change?
I don't mean to bring this up, but can we avoid talking about my life for a while? It's great that you're interested in my life and all, but I'm getting tired of explaining how I lost all that weight and about the time I turned down that Victoria's Secret
Interview with a Mugger
"Hi, I'm here for the mugging position you listed on Craigslist. I think I have a lot to offer to the robbery profession. Maybe I could learn the trade, then possibly manage my own team of muggers and pickpockets."
Brokeback Mountain II: Cocked and Loaded
I know I'm not the only one offended by a movie about two gay cowboys hiding and showing their love for each other. It's high time we made a violent, sexy retelling of this pile of shitty celluloid, complete with Indian fights, chewing tobacco, and totall
My Organs and I Detox
Every year I go on a month-long hiatus from alcohol, smoking, Facebook, caffeine and junk food. My Organs hate it, especially Stomach, who's not nearly getting his fill.
Pornstar Post-Breakup Emails
Adult film stars are just like you and me. They eat meals, go to work and even break up with each other. I managed to get my hands on some of the separation emails. I hope you enjoy.