Tag: The Nate Way

Because I Wanna Liveblog

The winningest pitcher of the St. Louis Cardinals' 2012 season makes his return to Busch Stadium the Third vs the Brewers. And I'll be handling the color commentary.

Red Velvet Cookie Dough

So this dude named Barry and this dude named Mitt decided to talk on TV because elections are a thing and I don’t really care because I’m not allowed to vote.

Today in the News

The City of Chicago recently decided that their awful teachers can begin teaching their watered down lessons to stupid students who do a lousy job at everything. 

Rejected Love Poems

You are my everything / My sunshine / My oxygen / My reason for living. / It’s just such a shame / That you’re a figment of my imagination / Because being a superhero would be totally badass.

Chicken Fried Rights

Gay marriage is a thing and I'm not worried about it. For all that marriage has done to promote fidelity and good behavior, we might as well legalize marriage for all animals, minerals and vegetables. I know dogs that are just as faithful as some of the married people I know and I don't really care one way, the other way or even that funky third way who gets married and for what reasons.

Flightless

I didn't hear the bullet or even the gun's report. I saw my friend's skull explode, blood splattered all over my face, the table, the wings, the beer, the condiments, the napkins... fucking everything. Blood was everywhere.

Giggles

It's funny how her smile never seems to keep me alive / And yet I'm here / Again. / And she is smiling / Again. / "What?" she giggles when she speaks.

Handing Out Awards for the 2011 NLCS

It's time for the old "handing out awards using movie lines" gimmick first popularized by the artist formerly known as Bill Simmons. This time for my hometown, National League Champion St. Louis Cardinals.

Non Sequiturs Never Quit

Occupy Wall Street is doing it wrong. I mean, they don't even have one nuclear weapon. There's no way they get taken seriously. Sorry Mom.

Fuck Your Eulogy

I wish you weren't dead. So I could tell you that your suicide letter was the funniest thing I ever read. But there you are. Gone and beyond.

I Think You’re Funny

I think you're funny when you crinkle your nose into a tiny wrinkled flesh button, roll down the window and ask, 'Did you fart?'

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