<p>"So the dude says to his nephew, he says, ‘Kid, this whole screwed up planet will soon be yours,' but the fucking kid says he don't want it. So the dude says, ‘Hey you little fucker, why don't you want the Earth?' and you know what the kid says—of course not, how the fuck would you know what the kid says?—the kid says that he don't want Planet Earth because, get this, he
<p>The first time I ever had a one night stand, the woman made me promise that I wouldn't tell her boyfriend. That was eighteen fucking years ago (I am very old). The last time I had a one night stand, the woman made me promise not to record any images with my phone. The more things change the more they... um change, I guess.</p>
<p>Dave: You believe all these crazies who think Obama's a Muslim?<br />Me: How do you know he isn't?<br />Dave: Come on, dude. He said he wasn't.<br />Me: The fuck would I believe a politician for?<br />Dave: I don't know, I mean...<br />Me: Bush the Second said mission accomplished, Clinton said he did not have sexual relations with that woman, Bush the First said no new taxes-
<p>"I love it when the bar is like this," she says through red lips like moist pillows.</p><p>"You mean empty?" I light a cigarette and watch her doe eyes frown at me: a physical opposition to the happiness of her curling lips. </p>
https://www.youtube.com/user/nathandegraaf?feature=mhum#p/a/u/1/oZYAY3UwEUk
<p>"I never thought I'd see the day that the majority of American protestors would be employed, racist white people. Either we've come full circle, or we missed the whole damn shape."</p><p>--Some old Dude, on the Tea Party. </p>
<p>I've been giving mainstream news my usual occasional glances and recently noticed that quite a few people are upset that a mosque may be one of the buildings put in near Ground Zero in the NYC, which is New York City (that's right, I'm borrowing from The Situation now; I'm more disappointed than you are but it had to be done).</p>
Taylor: You need to write something like, classic Nate. You know, for old time's sake. <p>Me: We don't have any old times. </p><p>Taylor: Dude, I was reading you long before I met you. Trust me, we got old times. </p><p>Me: Now you're freaking me out a little. </p>
<p>Here are ten things I learned from this year's MLB All Star Game:</p><p>I don't care if it's protocol or tradition or what, having Charlie Manuel jog out onto the field borders on senior citizen abuse. </p><p>Manager Joe Girardi elected not to use Alex Rodriguez in the All Star game because Alex Rodriguez is not a "True All Star."</p>
To me, George Steinbrenner will always be the influential asshole who dictated what did and did not appear on stage at the <a href="http://www.abcactionnews.com/dpp/news/region_tampa/Steinbrenner-loved-Tampa,-and-the-feeling-is-mutual">Tampa Performing Arts Center</a>. He's a <a href="http://steinbrenner.mysdhc.org/">name on a high school</a> in Tampa Bay, a <a href="http://maps.google.com/maps?
<p>Like every kid in suburban America, I played a little soccer growing up. Very little. My parents wouldn't let me play football so they made me play soccer until I was old enough to explain to them exactly why I hated the sport. That took until I was nine. After that, I found better stuff to do. Soccer bores me. I realize the athleticism that it takes to play soccer on an elite level
<em>LeBron James is moving to Florida, where I live. And I feel that he needs to feel right at home, so I am happily making LeBron the following promises:</em> <p>Dear LeBron:</p><p>I will never burn your jersey, mainly because the only thing dumber than overpaying for your jersey would be burning said jersey. </p>