<p>My editor is making me live blog the new season premiere of Bad Girls Club on Oxygen. Join the fun! </p><p><img src="/files/u40/Bad_Girls_Club.jpg" width="400" height="233" /></p><p>Read the archive live blog of Bad Girls Club, Season 4, Episode 1. </p>
<p>A couple weekends ago, me and my roommates threw a huge kegger at our apartment.</p><p>I was minding my own business for a minute, aka peeing in my bathroom with the door closed, when suddenly the door springs open. At this point, I expected a scream or the police. Unfortunately, it was neither.</p>
<p>Life got you down? Is your parole officer really annoying? Do your kids refuse to look at you or acknowledge your prescence?</p>
<p>I have to get something off my chest. I have this secret that I'm supposed to keep a secret my whole life, for my own protection. I'm not supposed to tell anyone. So it's just me and this secret, staring each other down. </p>
<p>This is the last time I talk about the 2000's, and don't worry this isn't a political statement, but how have we not found bin Laden yet?
<p>I thought I was above all these people. I'm not a freak. I'm not poor. Well, I am, but it's college poor. But, come on, I'm not weird as fuck. Well, I am, but it's because I'm a comedian or whatever.</p><p>Seriously, why am I even debating this? I'm way above all these people. It's what I've been telling myself every single time I've walked in this store the past 10+ years. </p>
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<p>I was in class today, and the first thing that threw me off was that it was Business class, but yet, standing in front was a WOMAN. I thought I was in the wrong class at first. Is this the kind of change that Obama fellow was talking about? I don't like it. I do not like it...</p>
<p>Look, I'm just going to be honest, because that's the kind of person I am. I genuinely try to pretend I'm honest and straightforward.</p>
<p>This past weekend, I went to Lollapalooza in Chicago. I wore my new shirt, which in big letters, states "Sarah Palin is A Cunt." I knew in this extremely liberal city, the hometown of Barack Obama, that I would not get lynched, but I wasn't expecting so many compliments.
A naked video of Erin Andrews' nude body in a hotel room leaked from a peephole onto the internet, and she has confirmed it.
<p>Michael Jackson, the biggest gift to late night talk show hosts and comedians everywhere, died after the world's shortest coma yesterday. But you already knew that because, I swear to God, celebrities are "tweeting" their condolences. What? What is this world coming to? Jesus Fuck.</p><p>Michael Jackson died doing what he loved best: dying.</p>