Also known as, The Longest Article Title On PIC (although that wouldn't be the longest, so it would be quite ironic). * Janitor * Garbageman * Lunch lady * Drug dealer * Volunteer KKK leader * Pornographic film actor * A slave to 'The Man' * Freelance Gynecologist
"If you don't take care of your teeth, I'm going to take care of your grandma...with a knife." "Your teeth make my daughter cry...and then I hit her...and then I start crying. It's a vicious cycle. Brush your teeth, faggot." "I fucking hate you MORE than I hate cavities...and I hate cavities alot, okay?" "Iraq, terrorists, 9/11, your teeth. What do they have in common? Everything."
<em>September 11th, 2001. Two planes have just struck the World Trade Center buildings.</em><br /><br /><em>Smoldering, burning, collapsing. Screams and noise everywhere. Fear and utter panic rule the air. A state of shock sweeps over New York City. A city in shambles. No one knows what to do.</em><br />
<em>A delivery room. A woman has just given birth to a beautiful baby girl. Smiles all around. The doctor holds the baby up triumphantly and then gives her to the woman, presumably the baby’s mother.</em>
<em>A knock on a door. A female in her mid-twenties answers.</em><br /><br />"Hello, ma'am. I have to walk around the neighborhood and get signatures for this sheet."<br /><br />"Why?"<br /><br /><em>He sighs.</em> "I'm a convicted baby drowner, and I'm moving into the neighborhood."<br /><br />" <em>'Baby drowner?'</em> So didja drown lots a' babies?"<br />
I just went to check my Yahoo!!!!!!!!!!!1111 mail and noticed that some spam got through into my inbox. While this is not unusual, the thing that was unusual is that these messages did not even try to cover themselves up or get past the spam filter. Blatant spam at its worst:<br /><br />
Yo momma so dumb she doesn't know how to use the internet...but you could at least call her once in a while.<br /><br />Yo momma so lonely sometimes she almost cries, but then your father comes into the room, and he would make fun of your mother if she was crying and that would just make her want to cry more but then he would yell "STOP CRYING WOMAN" and she would say "I'm trying!"<br />
Charlton Heston died this weekend and I went FOUR FULL FUCKING DAYS without knowing this. Usually I'm on top of this stuff. I knew Heath Ledger was going to die seventeen days before he actually did.<br />
<strong>Sexually Transmitted Disease</strong><br />One of my worst nightmares is waking up in the morning, looking over to see who I slept with, and then seeing someone lying down in my bed in a wheelchair. It's my worst nightmare not because I'm disable-ist, but because after looking at the cripple, I look back at my own legs, and<strong><em> I'M</em></strong> in a wheelchair.<br /><br />
Girl: "Me and my boyfriend came to the painful conclusion that we're going to have to get an abortion. But please don't tell anyone...I've only told you."<br /><br />Guy: "Yeah, whatever...what are you gonna do with the fetus afterwards?"<br /><br />Girl: "What?"<br /><br />Guy: "What are you going to do with the fetus, are you going to need it?"<br />
<ul><li>What would you put down as 'experience' on your resume when you're applying to be a porn actor? Would you put down all of your previous jobs, or would you go into detail about all the times you've had sex?<br /><br />... (I did the latter.)<br /><br /></li><li>Don't trust a doctor who got his doctorate degree from one of those internet colleges.<br />
When someone is fired from the Blue Man Group, do they just become the Blue Man Person? And what kind of job can you get after that?