I’m the Conductor Yelling “Alllllll Aboard” at the Train Station and I Love Watching You Kiss
I’ve delayed trains for hours at a time just to let couples wet each other’s face holes before departure.
Tag: Trains
Tom Cruise or Thomas the Tank Engine?
Despite going through a few trainwrecks in his career, he’s managed to survive them all and continue to get roles as a steamy, leading man.
Subway Restaurant or Subway Transportation?
There is a half-eaten sub sandwich on the ground. It looks like it has been there for some time. / You're here because you wanted to go "green."
Thomas the Tank Engine Reduces His Carbon Footprint
When he is not hauling freight, Thomas will lock himself inside of The Big Station and think about the damage he has done to our planet.
Modern Retellings of Classic Thought Experiments
Schrödinger’s Everything: If you refuse to look at your bank balance, you are simultaneously broke and rich.
A Day in the Life in an Alternate Universe Where the World Is Run by Female Country Singers
I take coffee to my colonial porch and watch the sunrise over the Miranda Lambert river valley. An old hound is sunning himself on the porch steps.
I, Zippy the Jetpack Boy, Have Been Hired to Fix Your Subway System!
No one knows more about getting from point A to point B with lethal efficiency than Zippy the Jetpack Boy -- that this is bound to rub off on the job.
An Open Letter to the Guy in the Subway Playing the “Rocky” Theme on the Melodica as I Carried Two Bags of Groceries
One minute I was thinking, did I need to buy a bag of tangelos? But the next minute I was hearing the uplifting strains of your enchanting song.
Alternatives to “Shakespeare in the Park”
Enjoy public performances like "George Bernard Shaw on a Precariously-Balanced Manhole Cover" and "David Mamet in the Penn Station Bathrooms."
The Mayor of New York City Should Be an Actual Train
Whereas politicians say lies, trains say only “choo-choo” and “chuga-chuga” and “stand clear of the closing doors, please.”
A Relationship Advice Column for Anthropomorphic Trains
Recently my partner, a 1991 Diesel, has started abruptly switching tracks during our intimate time. What do I do?
10 Fun Ways to Market a House Without a Garage
Research the Community Parking Regulations: Beverly Hightower, the girl you’ve been in love with since sophomore year, is sitting on your train.