Area 51 Raid Packing Essentials
A stolen bomb squad dog to sniff out the aliens. (They probably smell kind of like TNT.) Your grandmama Ellis’ necklace, so you can be buried with it.
Tag: Travel
TSA Guidelines for National Clown Week
Provide your real name. Slappy, Mr. Chuckles, Giggle Master, Miss Jiggles-a-Lot, and Happy Pappy are not legal names we recognize.
Boarding Announcements for the Class Conscious
If you are an emperor, tsar, sultan, raja, or king and wield unconditional power over trembling masses, their majesties are kindly invited to board.
Pop Music Arrangements You Can Give Your Middle School Strings Class to Distract Them From Your Anger Issues
Hopefully if you bring in "Eleanor Rigby," they will conveniently forget about how you threw a dry erase marker directly at a violist’s eye.
Rimbaud’s 2019 Food and Drink Guide to Paris
What can we make of the persons exiting the Sorbonne with something heralded as a "kale chia smoothie?" It appears to be dredged from a fetid pond.
Bernie Man: The Festival for Everyone Who Still Says Bernie Would Have Won
Some of our most popular attractions from past festivals include Soylent breweries, meme-hacking spaces, and, by state law, a Ben & Jerry's.
New New York City Cyclist Regulations
Wheelies, track stands, and riding with no hands are allowed only in the Fun Lane between 14th to 23rd Street along 9th Avenue.
Must-See Second-Rate National Heritage Sites for Your Next Roadtrip
Battlefield Of Nothing Special: where our nation’s soldiers duked it out for no good reason, and left a legacy that no one can put their finger on.
False Starts to My New Noir Novel
Mother slapped me. She was a former NYPD detective, eighty-eight years old and in the early stages of dementia.
We’re Saluting Maritime Erotica All This Month on Turner Classic Movies
All Hands on Dick, a film that French director Georges Méliès called, “The most stimulating cinematic treasure since my The Conquest of the Pole.”
Awkward Conversations With Your Self-Driving Uber
You: Uber, why are we taking Broadway? Uber: We are briefly stopping at your ex-girlfriend Karen’s house on the way. You two need to talk…
The Definitive Guide to Why This Season of “Game of Thrones” Just Isn’t Season Four of “Cheers”
One of the recurring characters in season four is Frasier Crane, who is a psychologist. And yet, "Game of Thrones" doesn’t have any psychologists.