Congratulations Patriot, You’ve Been Selected to Get Launched into Space
For safety, we’re tying you right to the tip of the rocket—far from the hot hot thrusters. You’ll also get plenty of SPF to protect you.
Tag: Travel
Guestbook Entries from a Hotel That Definitely Has a Man in the Walls
Nice place. Lovely sheets. Good shampoo. Someone kissed me in the middle of the night.
What Your Liberal Arts College Professors Are Really Doing for Summer Vacation
Dr. Ellis is not worrying about grading papers or summoning a hoard of lizard monsters for Gork the Lizard King.
What I Think Will Happen When I Complete Duolingo Beginner French
“Merci,” I respond. “Incroyable,” the driver says, slowly taking off his sunglasses, “You really know your stuff.”
Everything Is Better Abroad
Every other country on the planet is superior to where I am now, probably. I bet they don’t suffer from the problems found in my current location.
So You Moved to Europe and Call Yourself an Expat Now
The Trust Fund: You wanted to move to Ibiza but needed a job since your father expects you to take over the family business; you settle for Madrid.
I Bring a Warning from the Future and My Lack of Pants Should Be Irrelevant
Oh. You're hung up on the "no pants" thing. Uh, look, time travel is an imprecise science.
I Clap When the Plane Lands
Clapping is the least we can do to show our appreciation that we didn’t end up pancaked against the side of a mountain.
I’ve Traveled Back in Time to Be on the Forbes “30 Under 30”
With the last dregs of humanity, I became one of the lucky few to be invited into a reinforced bunker (along with my pal Mike, who is not as grateful).
A Comprehensive List of Places I Don’t Want to Go
- A dairy farm (allergic to cows) - Siberia (too cold, no McDonald’s)
Happy New Year! Don’t Live in a Van
I know you’ve seen the TikTok reels and DIY YouTube videos, but you do not want to live in a van.
We’re Going to Begin Boarding Your Flight in the Following Order
Families traveling with children can begin boarding, at this time. Is anyone here thinking of having children? You, too, are welcome to line up.