You Really Need to Get Box Seats for This Production in Order to Survive It
Admittedly, we were shocked when we noticed people who didn't spring for box seats were drowning below us.
Tag: Water
I’m a Seed and How Dare You Assume I Want to Germinate Inside of You
Do you really think that I, a gorgeous seed full of immense potential, want to hinder my growth by spending all of eternity in your intestines?
Presentations Slated for This Year’s Slightly-Curved Earther Convention
Franklin will use demonstrations, like his “Star Wars figures on a basketball,” to show what would happen if you put humans on a spinning sphere.
Don’t Talk to Me Until I’ve Had My Coffee!
Before coffee, I’m, like, a zombie feeding on its own, like… brains or whatever, and struggling to complete straightforward zombie analogies.
Democratic Politicians Narrate “Moby Dick”
Bernie Sanders: Call me whatever name you want. At the end of the day, I am the only sailor who has the guts to fight for real change on this ship.
Our Skincare Products Are Vegan, Sulfate-Free, and 100% Not a Front for My Uncle’s Arms Trafficking Ring
That means no phthalates, no parabens, no cruelty, and absolutely zero connection to any missing anti-tank rifles you may have read about.
You Forgot the Anniversary of the Boston Tea Party, Didn’t You?
Next you’re going to tell me that you don’t remember William Molineux organizing prominent Whig meetups at the Old South Meeting House.
Jared Kushner’s Skin Care Routine
He hangs the skin carefully on a manikin and covers his true skin with a protective layer of mucus---the air is very harsh on his delicate scales.
Other Movies Based on Hyper-Literal Interpretations of ’80s Pop Songs
"Karma Chameleon": A gay man falls in love with a faithless reptile who comes and goes, comes and goes.
Dirty Talk Tips to Bring Dying Houseplants Back to Life
I'm using my little green thumb to turn up the thermostat and the humidifier at the same time. Now I'm using both hands.
16 Low-Cost Activities to Recreate the Comfort of the Womb
Wrap yourself from the neck down in Saran Wrap, and then ask a friend to spray lukewarm water between you and the plastic with a garden hose.
Don’t Even Think About Surgically Replacing Your Face with That of the Man Who Killed Your Son Without Buying My “Art of Speedboat Combat” DVD Box Set
Once you've put on his face, the propellers are in motion--in two days you'll be in a high-octane boat chase with the man who shot your beautiful boy.