Fish Out of Water
A week ago, my girlfriend left me for a flying fish. You know, the kind with the little wings that glide, the kind you hear about.
Tag: Water
Are You a Real New Yorker or Just a College Intern?
Mixed up bodies of water, and when your friend from out of town visited, confidently pointed towards Hoboken and said, “that’s Brooklyn over there?”
Emeline, Please Respond, For the Squid’s Power Only Grows
An orange squid has entered my dreams, watching me practice my ascending spin and barrel sculls with languid disinterest. I cannot banish him.
Now That Game of Thrones is Over, Can We Talk About the Very Slow Fire Spreading in My Home?
I bet firefighters loved it when the red priestess Melisandre lit thousands of Dothraki arakhs aflame. These days, people only care about fast fires.
The Meaning of Life
The meaning of life is being in a bathtub, no matter what the circumstances are. It’s joining a group to roll a beached whale back into the sea.
How Bugs Kill Themselves
I know this is sugarcoated for the sake of elementary school curriculums but caterpillars do not transform into butterflies. They die in there.
Everyday Tasks That Are Impossible With Someone Watching
Cooking for Friends: This is just like a quick-fire challenge on Top Chef: there’s a time crunch and four people watching.
The Harrowing Tale of Going 52 Hours Without a Phone
I’m outside now, walking to the nearby pizza shop. There are people everywhere, so many of them, crawling all over the place.
Two Sports-Talkers Talking Sports Talk
HELLOOOOO! Hope you brought the peanut butter, because that my friend was a mouthwatering jam!
4 Times the Winter Olympics Tried to Boost Ratings By Exhuming a Classic Movie Star’s Corpse
Millions tuned in to watch Jimmy Stewart’s body rocket down the mountain, reaching a top speed of 90 MPH and securing the bronze.
These New Jigsaw Puzzles Will Have You Puzzled
Pour the contents of "Berries in a Blender?! Whaaaaaat? Berries in a Blender!©" puzzle bag into a blender and pulse for a second for an easy puzzle.
Optimize Your Originality by Copying Famous Creatives’ Daily Habits
Immanuel Kant (1724-1804): Awoken by spousal uppercut at 6:30, the philosopher began an impressive washing regimen; Kant felt his mind was sharpened by pouring pitchers of cold water over himself.