The Lemon Water You Drank in an Attempt to Detox Needs Back-Up
Lemon Water (8:25 AM): This is lemon water do you copy?! We have reached the epicenter of your gut.
Tag: Water
I Have a Passion for Ecologically Restoring the Habitat of the Beast
Wetland restoration is about creating a clean, oxygen-rich pit so that a seven-headed behemoth might emerge from its depths and enslave us all.
Lin Manuel Miranda Said He’d Kill My Family If I Didn’t Inspire You This Morning
“Love is love is love Fun is fun is fun Wake up, stretch like a cat” Oh god. He’s taking out a knife.
The Body Isn’t a Wonderland: Some Suggestions to Improve Pregnancy
Is there any way to make the heartburn shoot actual flames out of our mouths? That would be a nice party trick.
Due to Unforeseen Circumstances, We Are Ending the “Kids Eat Free If They Can Kick the Manager’s Ass” Special
Doctors have diagnosed me with “early onset droopy ass syndrome,” contracted from getting your butt whooped too many times and is also irreversible
This Forest Fire May Be Devastating, But It’s Our Chance to Cook a Huge Omelette
We could utilize the approaching inferno and cook acres of lip-smacking omelette and turn it into an egg-themed pleasure park!
My Name is Connie, But You Know Me as the Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree
This is so embarrassing to admit, but when I lived upstate, I didn't know how to dress at all. I just hung out in the woods all day with nothing on.
5 Tastefully Decorated Tiny Homes That Also Happen to Be Haunted
Drive down a country road, past a bucolic house with spectral corpses in the trees, and you’ll see this beautiful tiny home: 500 square feet of bliss.
I Am Urging You to Urge Others to Push for Climate Change Action
We just can’t continue on like this without telling everyone we know that we can’t continue on like this.
The Joy of Painting Advanced Weapons Systems
Painting’s fantastic, because over the years, we know of hundreds of aircraft taken out by Stingers. And we’ve painted many, many, many of them.
Last Year’s Cruise Ship Accident Will Not Affect How I Manage This Year’s Cruise Ships
Feel free to thumb through the 3,500-page book, "Extreme Survival Scenarios," which is now required reading. Feel free to hang out by the buffet.
Drinking Games for American Politics in 2018
Sip a Mai Tai every time you fantasize about escaping to a beach somewhere where the alt-right will never find you.