It’s Great to Hear About Your Wedding, Even Though I’m a Monster Living in the Sewers
So where are you holding the wedding? Is it going to be in the sewers of Chicago?
Tag: Weddings
I Am the Real Parson Brown, and Let Me Tell You—Identity Theft and Unsanctioned Weddings Are Serious Crimes!
This snowman wedding racket is a disgrace to the good name of clergymen everywhere.
I’m Sorry I Proposed to You with a Mood Ring
I could tell when the jewelry dissolved into fuschia that your rage was masking “a range of emotions, including surprise, anxiety, restlessness, and confusion.”
FAQ for Our Destination Wedding Inside an Active Volcano
We're so excited to celebrate the ever-burning, liquid-hot devotion and commitment we feel for each other in this unique and personal way.
The New York Times Divorce Announcements
It was a beautiful Tuesday as Cameron Walton & Elizabeth Bayers were happily divorced during a small but intimate ceremony at the Queens County Courthouse.
A Full Account of Your 39-Year-Old Husband “Cuttin’ Loose”
Rather than responding “sounds chill boyz,” he ignored the message, instead opting for a podcast about the disappearing watermen of the Chesapeake Bay.
Illnesses to Fake to Get Out of a Destination Wedding
Since Pink Eye is usually thought of as a children’s illness, there is a level of grossness that comes with admitting you have it.
The Wedding Countdown for the Couple You Vaguely Knew in College Starts Now
Please donate to give this very solidly upper-middle-class couple their dream honeymoon. These kids (they’re 34) deserve the best.
Hurry! For a Limited Time Only, YOU Could Be the Next Owner of Our Exclusive Family Heirloom Ring!
Act now to receive a lifetime of resentment from the rest of our family.
Wedding Vows Written by the World’s Worst Podcaster
Kara, from today onward, you and I will be one in heart, body, and mind. Hey, can we curse on this thing?
Vows from the Woman Who Hates Her Future Husband
You’ve seen the lows; the fighting, the occasional breakups, and the time Jeff left me at Six Flags and the park closed while I was still inside.
For Our Wedding, Please Buy Us Useless Kitchen Shit Off Our Registry
When we envision our future together, we can’t see it unless the $175 egg separator we picked out in Crate & Barrel is there with us.