I’m the Only Thing Standing Between You and That Freak Mike Pence
Mike Pence, best vice president, maybe ever. Problem though: he's a nutcase. Totally unhinged. And I'm the only one preventing that freak from taking power.
Tag: Weird
4 Ways to Make Childhood Friend Reunions More Bearable
Why is it that hanging out with your childhood best friend now feels like small-talking with the lady at the supermarket who complains about her allergies?
I’m Your Tough, No-Nonsense Summer School Teacher and I Really Need Someone to Help Me Perform a Magic Trick This Weekend
All I want to hear is your name, grade, and on a scale of 1-10 how comfortable you would be lying down in a pit of 200-300 baby rattlesnakes for two minutes.
Why I Switched to the Tent-Based Menstruation System
That's right, women used to spend their menstrual cycle in a tent, free from all men and sanitation. After testing, I agree, it's a bloody great idea.
15 Alternative Birth Control Methods in Trump’s America
A helpful list of alternative and underutilized birth control methods for women worried about potential changes to American healthcare laws.
Beginner’s Guide to Dancing on an Enemy’s Grave
It's really not fair to disturb the family of your enemy during their grieving process. Be patient and give it a week post-burial before you dance up a storm on the fresh mound.
Existential Thoughts of a Giant Whose Fingernail is the Resting Place of an Entire Universe
Every day I put off cutting my nail only means that when I inevitably do, the annihilation of whole universes will be that much more substantial.
7 Reasons Why “Cars 3” Might Bring Back My Dad
It was three tragic hit and runs that took my father away from us. And if my dad was killed by three cars, shouldn't Cars 3 be able to bring him back?
Lost Your Mojo? Join the “Regain Your Mojo at the HoJo” Hotel Seminar
Stage hypnotists are using everything from scare tactics to the element of surprise to downright threats to unlock the door to the Mojo begging to be let back in.
Congratulations! Your Application to Join My Cult Was Successful
Cults get a bad rap these days, but they're actually pretty fun once you get used to the smell... and me, I'm always around.
If I’m Going to Donate My Body to Your Medical School, Please Don’t Let Anyone Laugh at My Dead Penis
I've always wanted to donate my body to something greater than myself. But I need assurance that my penis will not be the subject of any sort of entertainment or fun.
Three Ways to Be Hated By Everyone
There are plenty of unknowable mysteries about life. But one thing we do know is that no person has ever been created to slice another person's forehead with a hatchet.