“Meet Cute” Moments Ruined By Ghosts
Boy meets girl and it's love at first sight. They both go to grab the same latte, but they can't because their barista has been DEAD FOR THE PAST SIXTEEN YEARS.
Tag: Weird
I’d Love to Get Eaten
If I got eaten, nobody would be sour on me anymore. They’d use words like “valiant” to describe my life and valiant death.
God Closes So Many Doors Because He Enjoys Watching People Crawl Out of Windows
Why would God deprive us of so many great opportunities, only to subsequently offer us lesser paths to success? Why would He do that? Perhaps there's an easier explanation.
I Am Become Kiss Cam Operator, The Destroyer of Worlds
You shall witness a heart shape on the monitor, surrounding you and your beloved. And you shall kiss. For I have commanded it.
Isn’t It Time Somebody Wrote an UNTHINK Piece?
Many Americans are skeptical of the amount of counterthinking going into fighting the War on Thoughts. #ThoughtWar2017 is occurring on a global level.
The Real Reason Why You Absolutely Must Cover Your Mouth When You Yawn
I'll lay it down for you real quick: the secret reason why you need to cover your mouth when you yawn is a spooky, ghoulish man named Poppin' Pete.
An Open Letter to My Niece About Harry Potter, The Boy Who Lived to Kill
While it may not make for polite conversation on Christmas morning, it’s important nonetheless that you understand, Harry Potter is a degenerate psychopath.
The Incredibly Intimate Hulk: Confessions of an Aging Superhero
I have a confession to make: I'm the man behind the Incredible Hulk. But I've gotten older and my angry shenanigans have become tiresome over the years.
Ask Dracula Anything
Hello, it is me, your unholy host! I am here to answer the questions of the living, the dead, and the undead. Call in now while the moon is still full and the sun is yet to rise…
I’m Positive My Origin Story Means I’m Going to Be a Wizard Anytime Now
The postage wouldn’t stop coming and my uncle moved us into a motel, but the wizarding world still found me.
Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer (Not That You Care, Grandpa)
The undertones are more disturbing than a simple Christmas accident: Grandpa and the rest of the family took out Grandma deliberately.
My High School Book Report on New York City (Rough Draft)
New York City played a significant role in the Civil War. The Underground Railroad, AKA the NYC Subway System, had many stops in the city.