Guestbook Entries from a Hotel That Definitely Has a Man in the Walls
Nice place. Lovely sheets. Good shampoo. Someone kissed me in the middle of the night.
Tag: Weird
So You’re Bored Enough to Read the Back of the Package
We want to extend our deepest gratitude to you for believing in our potato chips. Those other people who didn’t buy our chips can go right to hell.
A Week of Announcements from the Town Crier Who Just Moved to Your Neighborhood
'Tis a noble tradition, even though I could just as easily say all this to that carrier pigeon X, formerly known as Twitter.
Stop! Please Read These Very Specific Instructions Before Using Our Toilet!
Do not stay on the toilet for extended periods. By minute three or four you’re risking a nasty bite.
An Honor to Be Nominated: Why I Must, Regrettfully, Refuse This Blunt
While on the outside I look like I spent a past life as a lava lamp, my insides are as square as an actuary’s lunch box.
RE: Shelly’s House Is Opening Up: What You Need to Know
This newsletter is put together by VOLUNTEERS in Shelly's basement sewing room and it's hard for us to keep up with ALL OF YOUR MANY, MANY QUESTIONS!
A Guided Meditation for Your Late-Night Existential Dread
That was dumb. You broke your toe on a cheap desk. Inhale. Clear your mind of that very stupid thing you did. Exhale. Stupid.
Remembering My Favorite Childhood Game System
In the beginning, my friends didn’t want to come over and play, saying that my new games were “weird” and “hard to play” and “haunting.”
My Grublin’s Day Memories
Like Thanksgiving or Easter, Grublin's Day was on a different day every year, sometimes even in a different month or year.
We Just Want You to Know, We Applaud You
We applaud you for giving us something to do with our hands other than ball them up or masturbate.
All Politicians Are the Same
All politicians want to have sex with Paul Rudd.
They Didn’t Have the Potato Chips We Usually Get, So I Made Sure to Grab the Most Disgusting Ones I Could Find
Neither of us like wasabi, but these are wasabi with cinnamon and pineapple, so I have a feeling the other two flavors will overpower the wasabi.