Even today, when I see his head, my mind goes wild with possibilities, envisioning all the dirty dishes that I could set down upon it.
The Phillie Phanatic can phuck off.
The document that I sent you by mistake, “Human Meat and the Future of Farming,” may seem like a confession, but I assure you it is not.
He was licking his scales clean with his tongues, when he looked up, made eye contact with me, and bared his fang. It was love at first sight.
A 30-Inch Footprint That I Touched and Then Tasted So I Could Begin Tracking Ronald: Without it, I wouldn’t have been able to murmur, “He’s near…”
Is the desolate fucking melancholy setting in yet? That was a rhetorical question. Sorry. I need a new job.
No one was as close to me as Elliott. We were two peas in a pod, a regular pair of pals, two elephants in a diaper.
It was never clear what subject he was supposed to be teaching, since on our schedules it was spelled in mysterious runes that burned your eyes.
You know I only pick my nose because I have to. My doctor says if I don’t pick my nose, I won’t be able to breathe out of it.
I can't really tell from the photo—is it an attractive car? Will adult men try to jump on top of my car whenever I'm stopped at a light?
Into each person's home, some cursed objects will unintentionally be brought. SOME. The operative word there being "SOME," and NOT "many."
You've heard of Lil' Wayne and Lil' Kim, but doesn't Lil’ Dipper, Lil’ Sidetracked by Social Media, and Lil’ Antsy make so much more sense?