That There’s Oil. Texas Tea. Economy Slime. Hot Rockolate.
Iced lava. Coal brew. There Was Blood, A Long Time Ago. Dinosaur Smoothie. Tyrannosaurus rocks. Triceratopped off.
Tag: Weird
90 Years Later, Universal’s “Frankenstein” Remains a Poignant Tale of How Fucked Up It Would Be If There Was a Guy Whose Head Was Perfectly Flat on Top
Even today, when I see his head, my mind goes wild with possibilities, envisioning all the dirty dishes that I could set down upon it.
If the Phillie Phanatic Is Allowed to Get a Vasectomy, Whose Offspring’s Pelts Will I Use to Make a Luxurious Fur Coat?
The Phillie Phanatic can phuck off.
I Meant to Attach My Resume, Not My Manifesto About Eating People
The document that I sent you by mistake, “Human Meat and the Future of Farming,” may seem like a confession, but I assure you it is not.
A Tribute to My Childhood Pet, Whatever It Was
He was licking his scales clean with his tongues, when he looked up, made eye contact with me, and bared his fang. It was love at first sight.
McDonald’s Menu Items Ranked by How Effective They Were at Giving Me the Nutrients I Needed to Break into Ronald McDonald’s Mansion and Try On His Clothes
A 30-Inch Footprint That I Touched and Then Tasted So I Could Begin Tracking Ronald: Without it, I wouldn’t have been able to murmur, “He’s near…”
Ethan Frome’s Depressing-as-Fuck Hometown of Starkfield, MA: Historic Snowshoeing Tour
Is the desolate fucking melancholy setting in yet? That was a rhetorical question. Sorry. I need a new job.
Sometimes I Think About My Childhood Best Friend and Wonder “Whatever Happened to That Guy?”
No one was as close to me as Elliott. We were two peas in a pod, a regular pair of pals, two elephants in a diaper.
A Tribute to Mr. Thompson: Teacher, Mentor, Possible Necromancer
It was never clear what subject he was supposed to be teaching, since on our schedules it was spelled in mysterious runes that burned your eyes.
All the Embarrassing Stuff You Caught Me Doing When You Entered My Bedroom Without Knocking
You know I only pick my nose because I have to. My doctor says if I don’t pick my nose, I won’t be able to breathe out of it.
Before I Buy Your Car, I Need to Ask You Some Invasive Questions About the Lifestyle I Am About to Purchase
I can't really tell from the photo—is it an attractive car? Will adult men try to jump on top of my car whenever I'm stopped at a light?
I Keep Bringing Home Cursed Objects from Curio Stores—What Am I, Cursed?
Into each person's home, some cursed objects will unintentionally be brought. SOME. The operative word there being "SOME," and NOT "many."