What Your Sign Says About the Bear That’s Going to Eat You
Taurus: The Seneca Park Zoo believes they don’t need a sign telling people not to swim in the polar bear enclosure. You will prove them wrong.
Tag: Witchcraft
Beloved Children’s Books Vandalized by Curmudgeons
CLIFFORD THE BIG RED DOG Pooped on My Lawn Again After I Specifically Told those Kids to Keep Him off It
Signs You’re Under a Spell Cast By a Chill AF Retired Sorcerer With a Ponytail and a Peace Sign Tattoo
Merrells are suddenly the only shoes that don’t "hurt your feet," and you explain this to strangers, even though your feet have never hurt.
Acceptable Reasons to Wake Up Your Parents in the Middle of the Night
You checked the closet and it wasn’t a monster, it was nine blue goblins. They play poker every Thursday night and they apologized for the noise.
If Ghosts Aren’t Real, How Do You Explain the Eviction Notice That Mysteriously Appeared on My Door?
These mysterious eviction notices may be related to ectoplasm, as both are occasionally left behind following a paranormal experience.
Hello, I’m the Witch in Your Hall Closet
Finally, I'll have sated my 200-year-old appetite, fulfilled a centuries-old curse, and your family's financial situation will stabilize.
I Dated a Vampire and It Sucked
He used words like “dooth” and “swete”, and I still have no idea what they mean. And his fashion is from the 1300s -- lots of beige-colored tunics.
I Lost 80 Pounds Just by Exorcising the Demon That was Inhabiting My Body
You'll be ready to snatch your body back from the erratic specter that’s possessed it---and look "snatched" doing it!
Excerpts from the Harry Potter Series, Reprinted in the Trumpian Translation
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix: This one’s about people from different backgrounds coming together to fight for a greater good. Skip!
I’m Trying to Be a Supportive Field Hand, But I’m Sick of Listening to the Farmer Complain About the Curse a Witch Put on His Land
Every day the farmer moans about how he’s worried he’ll have no crops to sell this year and won't be able to afford his mortgage, blah blah blah.
If Tolkien’s Middle-Earth Had Technology
SMÉAGOL: At least give me a chance. I mean, have you even listened to my podcast? My Preciouses?
Your Daily 20-Minute Workout to Prevent Demonic Possession
Can you feel that burn? Well, ignore it. That’s just one of the servants of Satan trying to enter your body through your navel.