Writing

Tag: Writing

I called both my parents to tell them that I loved them, then I drove exactly 5 MPH above the speed limit to work.

The Claim: What did you call a pile of cats? (a Meowtain) Our Rating: FALSE. A group of cats is called a Clowder.

Obviously, nobody wants to hear the funny thing I wrote, right? I know you’re all staring at me, since my laugh set off the smoke alarms.

Just glancing at this green expanse makes me burst with joy. It is the same feeling I had on my wedding day, and on the day you were born.

Let’s pray this doesn't happen a third time. For peace of mind, I encourage you to hug your loved ones, renew your passport, liquidate assets, etc.

Scout is as energetic, spry, and sly as ever—the Paul Rudd of lab mixes. What’s his secret? “I sleep sixteen hours a day,” he deadpans.

“Heartbreaking and beautiful. The Kenmore 600 Series Safety Instructions and User’s Guide is truly a vacuum cleaner manual to treasure.”

SNARJVK: A rubber vegetable-scrubbing glove, $7.99 or a giant wolf with ivory tusks and purple bioluminescent fur?

Once upon a midnight dreary, a man was scrolling, weak and weary.

“One final touch, my dear boy,” his Grandma said, carefully placing an entire stick of butter on top of the dish.

Whenever the sincerity of my work is doubted, I always point to my author’s photo as evidence of a life lived.

I mean, that’s fine isn’t it? I cost $1500, I’m considered to be the best laptop on the market right now.