An Apology from Your Proctologist for Writing Poems About Your Colonoscopy
To be fair, they are really good poems. I don’t want to toot my own horn (a little proctologist humor there), but those poems are inspired.
Tag: Writing
Advice Column for Mad Scientists and Super Villains
Dear Megatron, I’ve been earning money from my paper route to buy smoke detectors so I can stockpile the radioactive americium.
My Writing Style Is Best Described as a Cross Between Every Great Writer Ever
What no one seems to understand is that, as an artist, it’s my duty to pay homage to all the literary titans who have influenced me.
A Recipe Blogger’s Text Responses to Incredibly Simple Questions
What time are we getting coffee later? The Arabian Peninsula has always been one of the harshest environments on Earth, and 800 A.D. was no exception.
Entries from a Journal I Think Will Be Read by Other People
I called both my parents to tell them that I loved them, then I drove exactly 5 MPH above the speed limit to work.
An NYT/Washington Post Fact Check of Laffy Taffy Jokes
The Claim: What did you call a pile of cats? (a Meowtain) Our Rating: FALSE. A group of cats is called a Clowder.
Whoops, Must Have Laughed Out Loud in This Busy Cafe at Something I Just Wrote
Obviously, nobody wants to hear the funny thing I wrote, right? I know you’re all staring at me, since my laugh set off the smoke alarms.
Dispatches from My Dad’s Visit to a Civil War Battlefield
Just glancing at this green expanse makes me burst with joy. It is the same feeling I had on my wedding day, and on the day you were born.
I’m Sorry My Newsletter Is Late
Let’s pray this doesn't happen a third time. For peace of mind, I encourage you to hug your loved ones, renew your passport, liquidate assets, etc.
A Lengthy Puff Piece About Scout Walz, First Dog of Minnesota
Scout is as energetic, spry, and sly as ever—the Paul Rudd of lab mixes. What’s his secret? “I sleep sixteen hours a day,” he deadpans.
Blurbs Beyond Books
“Heartbreaking and beautiful. The Kenmore 600 Series Safety Instructions and User’s Guide is truly a vacuum cleaner manual to treasure.”
Character from My Unfinished Epic Fantasy Novel or IKEA Product?
SNARJVK: A rubber vegetable-scrubbing glove, $7.99 or a giant wolf with ivory tusks and purple bioluminescent fur?