I’m Sam Spade, Professional Book Blurber
“It’s been a long time since I burst into tears because a publishing house didn’t get its jacket copy before deadline.”
Tag: Writing
Personal Notes Found in the Vents of a Secondhand Pair of Medium Wash Ripped Skinny Moto Jeans
Smoke salvia out of sister's vacuum cleaner. Land a kickflip in the middle of the woods with nobody around, next to a fallen tree.
Ken Cuccinelli Rejects “The New Colossus”
“And her name, Mother of Exiles” --- Where did you get this name from? The current working title of the statue is “Water Hello Person.”
Exercise Tips from Literature and Mythology
“But what on earth are you doing?” cried the vexed Rapunzel. “Why, developing and toning my bipeds and quadrilaterals, of course.”
The 10 Best Humor Websites You’ve Never Heard Of
The Naughty Muffin - Risqué humor focused on baked goods. Sample posts: "Oh my, you ARE all buttery today, aren’t you?"
What Satire Means to Me, a Straight, White, Cis Man
For me, satire is more than a literary genre. It’s the freedom to say whatever I want and not be accountable for any of it because “I’m just kidding.”
As an Old and Bitter Movie Critic, I’m Finding Third-Act Problems in My Own Life
My life—the sophomore outing by parents William and Eloise Cunningham—begins confidently enough in suburban Nebraska.
Welcome to Our Cell Phone-Free Restaurant!
We used to have lights, but we found that they reminded people way too much of their cell phone screens, so we got rid of them.
The Beachball at a Corporate Sales Event Experiences Ennui
I was a philosophy major. I can’t say my studies haven’t served me well in my current line of work as the beachball tossed at corporate sales events.
We Are the Feet in the Photo Accompanying Every Humor Piece Ever Written About Sex
There we are, four feet peeking out, intimating that our other body parts are currently engaged in some very exciting and hidden sexual activity.
Rimbaud’s 2019 Food and Drink Guide to Paris
What can we make of the persons exiting the Sorbonne with something heralded as a "kale chia smoothie?" It appears to be dredged from a fetid pond.
My Kitty is a Cutey
I gave him a "you know you're not supposed to do that" look and he replied with a "the assumption of inevitable or primal goodness is a myth" stare.