Toilet Paper Chicken, Trash Can Jenga and DVR Roulette
My roommates and I are engaged in a war of waiting until the last possible second to get toilet paper, each hoping that one of the other three will do it.
Comedy Writing
Why I Always Cook Dinner on Christmas
It's nice to save my mom the work and let her relax on Christmas, but really, that's just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the benefits of manning the kitchen.
Thoughts on the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show
There are Victoria's Secret commercials during the Victoria's Secret fashion show. Why would you do that? Why wouldn't you just cut back to the show 30 seconds earlier?
Two Tales of a City: The Icing on the Riot and Pot Luck Sunday
San Francisco is a unique city. Where else can you riot in the streets after the World Series, then wake up Sunday morning and order weed by delivery?
Rejected Episodes of Shaq Vs.
With executive producer Shaq at the helm, numerous ideas were discussed, but only a few made it to the network.
Yeah I Get Pedicures, No Homo
Yeah, I like to get pedicures. Seriously, no homo though. People actually have it backwards when they say that shit's gay.
The Bastardization of Prison Break, Lost and Batman
It's unfortunate, but sometimes people end up bastardizing the shit out of good TV shows. Don't fall for these three network television losers.
Skills I’ve Learned Playing The Sims 3
Given the effects of the codeine, I can only assume these mechanical, sexual, and fire safety skills apply in real life as well as The Sims.
Rest in Peace, My Old Six-Inch Friend
Recently, a great man passed away. So many summer afternoons, we'd take his best stuff out and enjoy it at BBQs. RIP, Oscar Mayer. You will truly be missed.
Six Things I Like to Give
In the spirit of the holidays I thought I'd write things I enjoy giving, like orgasms, puppies, a piece of my mind, and shellackings.
4chan /b/: The Asshole of the Internet
Not to be cliché, but 4chan is like the Matrix was supposed to be--no one can tell you what it is; you have to see it for yourself.
Never Had a Blumpkin
A poetic story of one boy's quest to get a whore to give him a blumpkin - a blowjob while taking a shit.