Michael Traeger Pittsburgh, PA

A two-time simultaneous holder of the "Mr. Olympia" and "Biggest Pathological Liar EVER" titles, Michael Traeger spends the bulk of his spare time marveling that stage magician David Copperfield once dated supermodel Claudia Schiffer. CLAUDIA SCHIFFER! Known around the world for his anonymity, Michael often gives epic lectures on the beauty and benefits of silence. His collection of short stories, "Hemingway and Plath Go to the Zoo," was recently rejected outright by a prominent New York publisher. "Life has been a whirlwind," Traeger said to no one in particular, "and I'd like to contribute more articles, but the voices are back, and asking for cheese." Feel free to contact Michael with your thoughts, comments, account routing numbers, gripes, bitches, complaints, recipes, and the explanation of how the hell Taylor Hicks won American Idol.