Fugly Slut is a 237-year-old bi-sexual Civil War veteran and advice columnist. Send Fugly your questions to and Fugly will deliver insightful answers that will improve your life. Fugly was conceived in the jungles of Nigeria when a Mountain Gorilla cast his seed in a nubile young missionary's beaver. After 14 long months of gestation, a bouncing baby Fugly Slut was hatched. Fugly spent her youth swinging from tree branches, fondling elephant trunks, and bumping furries with all of Nigeria's wildlife. Fugly is not only a proud bi-sexual, but a ravenously horny interspecies-sexual. She will receive any creature that is willing to crawl into her beef cavern. Eventually Fugly grew tired Africa's scalding heat along with a constant sunburn on her breasts. So at the tender age of 68, Fugly slithered aboard the bowels of Mayflower and sailed to The New World. A lover of American politics, Fugly had sizzling affairs with Herbert Hoover, John Adams and Elanor Roosevelt - the butch goddess of Fugly's dreams. These days, Fugly lives in a covered wagon where she sexually abuses the town youths and writes insightful advice columns on her Smith Premier typewriter.